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Trump sends National Guard troops to Elon Musk’s house

In a further escalation of his bitter fallout with Elon Musk, US President Donald Trump has mobilised troops to surround the home of the former head of the Department of Government Efficiency.


‘We need to bring some control to this situation and keep bad people off the streets,’ said Trump today. ‘When someone that I appointed to Government no longer agrees with everything I say, it’s no exaggeration to say that we are witnessing is an insurrection and complete break-down of law and order in America. It’s terrible, terrible.’


National Guard troops are now stationed around all of Musk’s properties with shoot-to-kill orders should the Tesla CEO use any adjectives to describe Trump’s budget legislation other than ‘big’ and ‘beautiful’.


Critics have turned on Trump for using the US military for political purposes, but the President is unrepentant. ‘What else would I use the US military for? Protecting people in Gaza or Ukraine?’


Author: herculepoisson




“Selling Washington” criticised for stereotyping

Writers of the hit scripted reality show “Selling Washington” have been criticised for resorting to stereotypes by having the show’s two biggest bitches, Donella and Elonia, fall out with each other.


“We’ve seen it a million times in shows like this,” complained cultural commentator Lorna Putz. “Two permatanned, overly made up airheads, who obsess about their appearance but somehow still manage not to be attractive, start out as friends but soon have a huge falling out and start sniping at each other. Don’t the writers realise what an insulting stereotype that is?”


The writers retorted that the show is only showing a heightened version of who these people really are. “It’s not like they’re actors, playing characters who are nothing like them. They don’t remotely have the talent for that.


“Besides, it’s what the public want. All the way back to Dynasty having to include at least one catfight in every season, as it sent the ratings through the roof like nothing else.”


Asked whether this meant we’d be seeing Donella and Elonia coming to blows in a future episode, the writers laughed and said “Well, we might not want to take it that far. I mean, one of them has a nuclear arsenal, the other a fleet of space rockets. If they really got down to it, I’m not sure there’d be anyone left to watch.


“No, we’re thinking more of a plotline where one of them starts palling around with Kimjongunia to make the other one jealous.”


image from lockjaw


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