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Trump asks Federal Court to delay election until he can afford to fight




Republican Presidential Candidate, Donald Trump, today asked a Federal Court to delay the Presidential Election until he can afford to raise funds for a viable campaign.


His lawyers say he cannot find a private company to guarantee the $464m (£365m) he has been ordered to pay in a New York civil fraud case.


If he pays the money by liquidating assets, he will incur large penalties, leaving him without enough funds to successfully fight the upcoming election, say his lawyers.


The former president must either pay the full amount in cash or secure a bond in order to continue his bid to be President.


Mr Trump's lawyers said on Monday that securing a bond of that size was a "practical impossibility".


'It is every citizen's right to be able to fund a billion-dollar campaign,' said his lawyers. 'This is a cornerstone of US democracy.'


New York rebrands itself in the wake of the Big Smoke



In response to the smog enveloping the Big Apple this week, New York has moved quickly to reduce further harm and reputational damage by changing the names of things.


A spokesman for New York Tourism said 'All meat sold in New York City restaurants is now smoked. Instead of 'I'm walking here' we shout 'I'm wheezing here'. It’s important to be honest with visitors to our great city about how the smoke is affecting things. Also, we’ll be much less likely to get sued'.


New names for landmarks include:


• The Empire Haze Building


• Grime Square


• Sootlyn Bridge


• Statue of Obscurity


• Central Murk


• The Cough-a-fella Center



In a further controversial change, the eagle in the City Seal will be replaced by Smokey Bear.


Further comment on the Big Smoke came this week from lesser-known Republican Presidential candidate, Ray Gindik, 'People are blaming Canada but we know the Democrats are behind this. It’s a ruse for them to steal your guns and make you watch Satan worship on CNN while you’re too busy coughing', he said coughing.


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