In response to the smog enveloping the Big Apple this week, New York has moved quickly to reduce further harm and reputational damage by changing the names of things.
A spokesman for New York Tourism said 'All meat sold in New York City restaurants is now smoked. Instead of 'I'm walking here' we shout 'I'm wheezing here'. It’s important to be honest with visitors to our great city about how the smoke is affecting things. Also, we’ll be much less likely to get sued'.
New names for landmarks include:
• The Empire Haze Building
• Grime Square
• Sootlyn Bridge
• Statue of Obscurity
• Central Murk
• The Cough-a-fella Center
In a further controversial change, the eagle in the City Seal will be replaced by Smokey Bear.
Further comment on the Big Smoke came this week from lesser-known Republican Presidential candidate, Ray Gindik, 'People are blaming Canada but we know the Democrats are behind this. It’s a ruse for them to steal your guns and make you watch Satan worship on CNN while you’re too busy coughing', he said coughing.