Chancellor of the Exchequer, Kwasi Kwarteng, is reportedly furious about being overlooked for the Nobel Prize for Economics.
A spokesman for Kwarteng said 'Kwasi is very disappointed. What did Ben Bernanke, Douglas Diamond and Philip Dybvig actually work on? Financial crises and how not to prolong them? Pah, without people like Kwasi, what would they have to study? Now, the Nobel Peace prize winner has yet to be announced; before peace, there has to be a war right? Now, that's an idea. He's only been in the job 5 minutes and he's already helped cause a Tory party civil war.'
First published 10 Oct 2022
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Jeffrey Archer has passed away at the age of 139. He was the second man to walk on Moon, the fifth Beatle, a Cambridge Don, the 'best PM we never had', a Nobel laureate and an Olympic gold medallist. He is believed to have either have been murdered by a jealous husband or died as a result of a mishap during his attempt to repair his private Concorde in midair.
Mr Archer was always destined for greatness and expected to follow his father as head of the British Army. At the age of 7 Jeffrey was offered the throne of Albania but felt he couldn't spare the week it would take to learn the language. Instead, he decided to use his gifts to become the greatest writer of the 20th and 21st centuries. Seamus Heaney is reported to have begged Jeffrey to stop writing for a while to 'give the rest of us a chance at the Nobels.'
Image credit: Bjørn Erik Pedersen, CC BY 3.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0>, via Wikimedia Commons (image has been cropped)
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