No. 10's mea culpa to The Palace sparks wave of copycat apologies

Number 10's apology to Buckingham Palace last week has sparked a number of copycat incidents with more buildings now seemingly wanting to make amends for previous transgressions between one another.

A leading expert in building conflict resolution commented: 'It seems there is a lot of repressed sorrow and regret between many buildings and last week's very public apology has set things in train. So far we know of one semidetached bungalow in Carshalton that has taken out an ad in the local paper apologising to the town hall for its jibes on Twitter about the town hall's unkempt toilet facilities.'

And NewsBiscuit understands French and British diplomats are on alert, with rumours rife regarding the possibility of a high-profile controversial apology being issued between Blackpool and Eiffel Towers over longstanding accusations of blatant plagiarism.

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Johnson says he didn't realise parties were work

Boris Johnson's office has clarified that the reason he only stayed at the Downing Street 'work meeting' for 25 minutes was that he didn't realise that he worked there. In fact, according to a statement released exclusively to his most trusted media organisation (NewsBiscuit), he has only recently become aware that he is the Prime Minister of the UK.

"I may have spent some time in Downing St, but I thought I was at a party, and so I take no responsibility for our tragically chaotic on-off covid response and anything else that may have happened in the last 2 years" says the letter. "I suppose, looking back, it was a very long-running party, and I did wonder why people kept going on about politics - i mean, 'what should we do about Europe?' f@*ked if I know, or care. Yes, and there was this little scruffy prep school bod who seemed to be angry all the time. But all in all it was rather agreeable: for two years the fizz kept flowing and the female company was charming, so, mine not to reason why, I thought. Oh, hello Carrie!"

The statement has caused a constitutional crisis, with some experts claiming this means everything Johnson's government has done is illegal, instead of only 90% of their actions being criminal as everyone previously thought.

While the statement was initially expected to lead to his departure from the job he didn't realise he was supposed to be doing, MPs, party members and citizens at large are in fact calling on him to stay in post after hearing that the concluding part of the statement reads "I now realise it was a all a bit of a cock-up, as Suetonius put it, and I suppose I should go now. So I'll just leave Jacob and Ravey Govey in charge, eh?".

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