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Viagra link to holding back dementia claim challenged, apparently again, say old people

Updated: Dec 8, 2021


Reports in an American medical journal have suggested that Viagra administered daily can reduce or even prevent the onset of dementia. Critics pointed out that the study didn't actually show any causal links and that the study was purely observational. 'You might call it "just" observational,' said one of the study authors, 'but for me, the Viagra users stood out a mile.'


Other experts doubt the study will lead to increased Viagra use. 'They might remember longer, but will be sh@gged out, literally by the time they are Seventy. Where's the quality of life then?' he asked. To be fair, he admitted to being married so didn't really have anything to base his opinion on.


Another expert pointed out the method of measuring things like appointments was skewed by the habit of Viagra users in the study to tie a hanky on their c*cks. 'To be fair, the hanky came in useful for most of them even if they didn't realise what it was there for,' he said today.






Government to re-train prisoners as politicians to raise standards in public office.

Updated: Jan 1, 2022


Justice Secretary Dominic Raab has today announced a new initiative to re-train prisoners as politicians to address a shortfall in standards, integrity and all-round competence in Parliament.


Hot on the heels of the government's scheme to simultaneously 'save Christmas' and win plaudits for BREXIT by training getaway drivers as hauliers and thieves as shelf-stackers, the new initiative is intended to improve the standing of the Cabinet and woo voters back to the Tories.


Raab said, 'It has become apparent that we could be sourcing professionally-qualified thieves and liars, instead of relying on amateurs. Also we could have perhaps got away with the Track and Trace daylight robbery if we had more experienced individuals covering the fiduciary misconduct aspects.' A senior civil servant admitted, 'We conducted an internal review and realised that standards in public office might actually be improved by replacing or augmenting some key individuals with convicted criminals. We are currently screening inmates at Broadmoor for potential roles as Home Secretary and Health Secretary. Meanwhile, Zippo's Circus has offered us a candidate for Prime Minister.'





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