Thoughts & prayers for those that lost their blue tick

In a media massacre on the scale of the Battle of the Somme, Twitter has culled verified accounts, much to the consternation of narcissists everywhere. Celebs are said to be in a daze asking 'who am I?', 'what's my purpose?' and 'how can I make this about me?'.

Many have been cut down in their prime, sometimes even in mid-sentence. Mourners will wear poppies out of respect for the sheer amount of cocaine these people consumed. But sadly those who must not be forgotten, are too quickly forgotten without a social media feed.

Complained one celeb: 'I've been running my Twitter account for 10 years. Well, not me personally. I've a team of interns to do it. But without my tick, how will people know its the real fake me?'

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139 complaints to Ofcom that Coronation Street is still on

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Financial Services Authority considering doing 'something' at some stage

Insiders say Britain's financial regulator is planning to 'do something', possibly as early as next year.

The Financial Services Authority, which is employed to govern and regulate the banks, is rumoured to be anxious for some kind of 'eye-catching initiative'.

Senior members of the FSA are known to have held an emergency meeting, and brainstormed ideas for stunts that would win the public's approval. A cleaner who saw flipchart notes, says some of the early ideas mooted were 'a competition giving away a free iPad', 'some kind of website or Twitter thing' and an 'FSA trade magazine with a celebrity on the front'.

Another idea the committee liked involved some kind of commitment to diversity, or a statement about people needing to recycle more, or something. Though there was a lot of enthusiasm for this 'strong, well thought out concept' it was shelved because it was discovered that OFCOM is planning something similar.

In the end, the committee decided that it was time to 'get tough', very publicly, on people who steal pens from banks. 'This is costing banks anything up to £50 billion a year and could be the real reason why Britain has gone into an irreversible decline.' said one insider.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/stux-12364/