- Sully
- 3 hours ago
It’s a bigger mystery than Dark Energy. Strange occurrences which defy reason keep happening. Now scientists think they may have discovered the cause – a large mass with improbable orange colouring which distorts truth the way a black hole distorts spacetime.
Scientists are calling it 'Trumpian Pressure' after the humanoid where it was first identified.
'It seems a recent phenomenon but maybe Trumpian Pressure has always been there' a scientist told us. 'Science is based on reason, on finding root causes – but what if some events don’t have a root cause? What if some are genuinely chaotic?'
Recent mysterious events include the resignation of Tim Davie, the FBI investigating anybody who said something mean about Donald Trump and the baffling disappearance of the Epstein Papers.
'Take the Davie case. He’s committed about seven billion sackable offences for a DG of a supposedly impartial broadcaster in the last few years, and . . . nothing. No consequences. To be honest, that’s the real mystery. Yet the one event which ended his career was a single dodgy documentary which – let’s face it – probably didn’t hit hard enough. Poor editing, a misleading narrative – but given Trump’s many misdemeanours it would be like falsely accusing Adolf Hitler of having an overdue library book'.
NewsBiscuit would have asked Tim Davie for comment but we don’t have his phone number.
Image: WixAI
"For its next project," said a BBC spokes-bot, clutching a Colt 45 and a fishing net, "Panorama is going to lift the lid off a barrel of herrings to see how many it can hit with high calibre bullets.
"This follows the tremendous success of our recent Panorama programme in which we lifted the lid off life in a central London police station and discovered, to absolutely no one's surprise, that some young coppers are really quite ignorant and brutal.
"Who knew?" said the Oxbridge-educated reporter for the programme, who was raised in a land of rainbows and unicorns.
"I honestly thought they spent their rest periods discussing the poetry of Elizabeth Barratt Browning rather than sitting around in the station's locker room smoking drugs that they'd confiscated from members of the public."
"Racist, sexist attitudes and savage violence have no place in the Metropolitan Police," said a spokes-angel for the force, "and we'll be launching an investigation immediately to root out officers guilty of such things.
"It won't take too long to find them," the spokes-cherub continued. "In fact, it'll be like shooting Filth in a barrel."
Image: NickJack - Pixabay