“I just want to thank everyone for the effort they’ve put in to make this year’s Tory Party performance the most ludicrous pantomime in living memory,” Prime Minister Rishi-Washi told his fellow cabinet ministers.
“We have made complete and utter laughing stocks of ourselves, and we’ve turned Britain into a nation full of Baron and Baroness Hardups – which means everyone has been able to join in our madcap fun.
“Things may have looked decidedly un-amusing at the start of the year,” continued Mr Washi, “when that Etonian bullshitter Widow Twanker was still in charge.
"And then they got considerably worse when the demented woman with the blonde bob, Snow White, replaced him.
“But finally there's been a happy ending, with me taking over her cabinet. And what a bunch of morally bankrupt, intellectually stunted dwarves you really are - namely: Sneaky, Trashful, Sleazy, Gropey, Hapless, Grungy and Cock.
"I am proud to lead you all off to work because together, we'll be delivering the people of Britain some true Tory-style, cash-strapped festivities in 2022 that they'll all wish they could just forget: a very Mirthless Christmas and a Crappy New Year."
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