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JobsForTheBoys.com - the number 1 platform for MPs looking for a second job

Updated: Nov 27, 2021


Are you an impoverished Tory MP looking to top up your measly £82,000 annual salary?


Frustrated by the lack of opportunities to offer your expert insight on the gambling, tobacco and health sectors to companies in the...er...gambling, tobacco and health sectors?


Are you able to suggest a daily consultancy rate of at least £2,000 a day for supposedly just attending a board meeting, whilst keeping a straight face at all times?


Then come and register with jobsfortheboys.com, the new second jobs platform for Conservative MPs. We can put you in touch with the biggest big businesses and the greasiest lobbyists.


All you need to do is upload your CV, clearly indicating which select committees and task forces you currently serve on. You should also upload at least one example of a sponsored blog you have written on either the dangers of over-regulation, or the advantages of the private sector winning government COVID contracts. Please also indicate any preferences you have for working in sunny tax havens.


We will connect you with our vast network of CEOs, dodgy governments and regulatory influencers. You could soon be topping up your salary and your suntan. We don't like the word 'lobby', although admittedly some payments for your work may be handed to you in a dimly lit hotel lobby, in a brown envelope.


'Jobsfortheboys.com - less of a platform and more of a trough'.










Geoffrey Cox traced to Caribbean tax haven after his voice registered 7.1 on the Richter scale

Updated: Nov 27, 2021


Bombastic ranter and poor man's foghorn, Sir Geoffrey Cox has been discovered alive and well. He was found floating on an inflatable gift horse in a swimming pool full of fifty-pound notes on the British Virgin Islands.


While trousering the not inconsiderable amount of £65m for a couple of hours' work' (shuffling three sheets of para-legal standard offshore paperwork around his desk), he was so surprised by the amount he'd earned that he let out a massive primal bellow of delight.


The sonic wave flattened anything above two metres high on the island and has left the entire population of over 30,000 people homeless. A tsunami alert has been issued for Nicaragua, Venezuela and West Croydon.


Despite criticism and allegations of one law for the rich, one for everyone else, Deputy Prime Minister Dominic Raab rushed to Sir Geoffrey's defence: A spokesperson for Raab noted, 'Sir Geoffrey was operating within government remote working guidelines. The fact that the remote in this instance just happened to be a remote tropical island is neither here nor there'.







Parliament to consider permanent switch to Hammer Time



With the clocks going back for Winter, the Government is to conduct an analysis of the costs and benefits of adopting the highly controversial Standard Hammer Time throughout the UK.


The concept of Hammer Time was introduced in the early 1990s by the recording artist MC Hammer on his top-selling ‘Please Hammer – Don’t Hurt ‘Em’. Although highly regarded at the time, its popularity waned after a series of poor-selling follow up albums.


Farmers’ Unions remain vehemently opposed. A spokesman said: ‘Without wanting to diss Hammer Time, many of our members are uneasy about having to tend sheep on dark winter mornings wearing large trousers, raybans and lots of bling. Things right now are tough enough for farmers as it is.’


If the new system is adopted, businesses will be required to provide employees with regular Hammer Time intervals, which are to be spent well away from their workstations in areas where they will be encouraged to ‘break it down’.




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