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Tories to form breakaway Super League of Lobbying

Writer: stewartbarclay
stewartbarclay
3 days ago


Conservative MPs have criticised the House of Commons’ Standards Committee for failing to show a sufficiently convivial fraternal spirit, as the Parliamentary Premier League of Lobbying is rocked with rumours of a breakaway.


Right-wing commentator Clementine Carruthers said ‘Honest Conservatives have got no alternative but to reform the system so they can never be found guilty or face any consequences. They almost called it a European Super League of Lobbying, but Mark Francois’ face turned a shade of magenta I’ve never seen before. You can’t trust an MP not taking a kickback. What’s their agenda? They should have to sign a register and have the good grace to be embarrassed. For Tories, being an MP should more of a side hustle. The real green is in the brown envelopes.’






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First published 3 Nov 2021


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Extremist RNLI and the Pakistani Cricket team feel full wrath of 'Patriots'

BillClay
Sep 13

Idiot groups of awful people are waging war on the extremist lifesaving RNLI and the Pakistani Cricket team, neither of which poses any threat to England, especially with that bowling attack. What are the new groups that will be soon facing “patriotic wrath”? Let’s have a look…


  • The Brownies – for obvious reasons

  • Food Banks – For causing the Cost-of-Living Crisis and being constantly being bailed out by do-gooding donation givers.

  • Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards – For wasting taxpayers’ money on frivolous investigations into common sense £5,000,000 gifts. Anyway, £36,000,000 in dodgy crypto is much more de rigeur

  • The Met Office – For using space lasers to control the UK’s weather and making it too hot and now a bit nippy.

  • Trees – The leaf dropping bastards…. Standing there, doing nuffin’…thinking they’re better than us…taking our CO₂….I hate them so much…


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive


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Farage complains about people complaining

Writer: apepper
apepper
Sep 3

Nigel Farage has complained about the system that means that when he receives a huge amount of money and someone complains about it, parliament starts an enquiry.


"You'd think people would be pleased for me to receive a token of appreciation from a lovely chap. Most crypto billionaire arms dealers are charming, innocent people who routinely send nice gifts to deserving individuals such as myself. But for some reason, people think it's a bit dodgy.


Excuse me, I just need to rub myself down with this fish oil, put on this fish costume and climb into this tank full of fish. And I suppose someone will say this looks a bit fishy."




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