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Extremist RNLI and the Pakistani Cricket team feel full wrath of 'Patriots'

BillClay
Sep 13

Idiot groups of awful people are waging war on the extremist lifesaving RNLI and the Pakistani Cricket team, neither of which poses any threat to England, especially with that bowling attack. What are the new groups that will be soon facing “patriotic wrath”? Let’s have a look…


  • The Brownies – for obvious reasons

  • Food Banks – For causing the Cost-of-Living Crisis and being constantly being bailed out by do-gooding donation givers.

  • Parliamentary Commissioner for Standards – For wasting taxpayers’ money on frivolous investigations into common sense £5,000,000 gifts. Anyway, £36,000,000 in dodgy crypto is much more de rigeur

  • The Met Office – For using space lasers to control the UK’s weather and making it too hot and now a bit nippy.

  • Trees – The leaf dropping bastards…. Standing there, doing nuffin’…thinking they’re better than us…taking our CO₂….I hate them so much…


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive


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Farage complains about people complaining

Writer: apepper
apepper
Sep 3

Nigel Farage has complained about the system that means that when he receives a huge amount of money and someone complains about it, parliament starts an enquiry.


"You'd think people would be pleased for me to receive a token of appreciation from a lovely chap. Most crypto billionaire arms dealers are charming, innocent people who routinely send nice gifts to deserving individuals such as myself. But for some reason, people think it's a bit dodgy.


Excuse me, I just need to rub myself down with this fish oil, put on this fish costume and climb into this tank full of fish. And I suppose someone will say this looks a bit fishy."




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Parliamentary Standards Committee wants to see the gift card

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
May 15


The Parliamentary Standards Committee is investigating the gift of five million pounds to Nigel Farage, before he became an MP.


‘We want to see the card,’ said a pale functionary.  ‘In our view, the nature of the card, and the sentiments expressed in it, are critical to determining if the gift was personal or tantamount to a political donation.


‘For example, if the card says ‘Happy Birthday Nige!  I’ve transferred some birthday money into your Swiss account – go wild!’, then that sounds more personal.  But if the card says ‘Remittance, for services to be rendered in the future, five million quid, please acknowledge safe receipt and provide a VAT invoice’, then it sounds a bit more businessy.


If the card has a cake, or a balloon, or bottles of fizz on it, then again, it seems more of a personal thing.  If the card has a picture of an England flag, or Clacton, or small boats in the channel, then one would construe that as being more political.


It’s entirely possible that Nigel didn’t keep the card. If you receive that sort of money on a regular basis, I imagine that the whole thing becomes a bit mundane.



Image credit: Wix AI (edited)

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