Gloria Gaynor dance floor classic 'purely motivational’ says Johnson source

A source close to Boris Johnson has defended the playing of Gloria Gaynor’s dance floor classic ‘I Will Survive’ during a Covid ‘works event’ saying it was played as a motivational set piece and was in no way intended for staff to get up and dance to.

After videos emerged of Johnson sporting a white disco suit and silver platform shoes dancing to the 70’s disco anthem on a make-shift dance floor next to a child’s swing in the Downing Street rose garden, the beleaguered PM said it was all an attempt to boost moral amongst hard working staff.

A statement said: 'It was the PMs birthday and Carrie had invited some work colleagues over....they brought a work related cake and some work related bottles of wine and everyone listened to some work related music'

The video also showed Johnson dancing under a large glitter-ball, cigarette dangling from his lips and sniffing poppers from a bottle as he once again motivated his work force to even greater heights of work related work.

The Gaynor classic was quickly followed by other motivational tracks from the Bee Gees, Barry White and Black Lace.

‘Agadoo….er…..we play that to remind us what exciting new trade deals can be done with other nations now that we are no longer bound by EU regulations…..what other reason could there be’?

Image: Pixabay/geralt

Melting ice in Downing Street champagne buckets linked to rising sea levels

Climate scientists have traced a dramatic rise in sea levels to multiple Downing Street ‘work events.’

‘This is devastating news for the planet,’ said Professor Katherine Hansen, Senior Climate Advisor at NASA. ‘Data from our satellites suggest that the ice buckets have taken us from a slow catastrophe to a rapid catastrophe. The runoff is far worse than that from monster icebergs, the Greenland ice sheet and mountain glaciers. These ‘work events’ have put the planet in clear and present danger.’

A Downing Street spokesperson disputed the findings. ‘The Prime Minister is keen to follow the science at all times and takes these findings jolly seriously. However, the suggestion that only a massive tidal wave sweeping along the Thames will drown out all the noise, is complete and utter piffle.’

Image: pixabay/blende12

Waterstones to open at midnight for release of Sue Gray report

Following insatiable public demand Waterstones booksellers have confirmed they will be opening their stores at Midnight so eager readers can get their hands on the Sue Gray report as soon as it’s published

‘We’re definitely going. My nine year old is absolutely Sue Gray mad’ explained Ipswich mother of two Louise Phillips, ‘He just loves government inquiries. He practically knows The Levenson Report off by heart and he’s always dressing up as his favourite characters’

‘I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s come down to breakfast in his favourite blonde wig, opened up a bottle of Barolo and sat around babbling for 25 minutes before jumping up and saying “I’m sorry I thought this was a work meeting” and leaving the room’

‘The only downside is that he’s become a bit of a self entitled, randy prick with no moral compass or empathy who must be stopped at any cost, but I’m sure it’s just a phase he’s going through’

A spokeswoman for Waterstones confirmed the event earlier today. ‘We’re so excited. We had great success with previous midnight openings for the last Harry Potter and the Collected Speeches of Anne Widdecombe so we thought why not do it again?’

‘They’ll be face painting for the kiddies, Chateuneuf-du-Pape for the grown ups and we’re even selling a special limited edition that comes in its own presentation fridge with a 2kg wheel of Stilton’

‘We had hoped to have some of the stars of the report down for the opening as well. We tried inviting Rishi Sunak but for some reason no-one could track him down anywhere.’

Image: Pixabay/juno1412