Tories set out their new pollicies

The Tories got a lot of media attention for their misspelled chocolate bars with 'Britian' written on them at last week's party conference..

Keen to cappitalize on this, and to secure more meeja attention, the Tories are publicising their misdirected policies with misspelled press releases.

The top pollicies are:

Abbolishing stamp duty on houses, to help the ritch

Stopping asilum seakers

Abbolishing the sentencing council, and the spelling counsel

Leaving CHER

Raising standards in educayshun

A spokeswonk denied that the party was deliberately misspelling things in order to attract Reform voters.

photo by https://unsplash.com/@sandym10

Laugh, they've nearly died

Liz Truss in Energy Saving Mode

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A spokesperson for Number 10 has confirmed today Liz Truss has been set to 'power saving mode' following risks that she may shut down over the winter.

This affects the speed of both her thought and her speech and has cleared up the mystery of why she was talking slower than a sloth with a zimmer frame during the Conservative Party conference.

The spokesperson denied this was the reason she was talking slowly in the local radio interviews in the week before the conference., suggesting that as her schedule was really busy, it was necessary to restrict interviewers to ask one question in their allotted time.

The spokesman also confirmed that the Prime Minister had accidentally been set on 'pause' in the days following the mini budget.

Story: notamused

www.newsbiscuit.com

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/tbit-715211/