Boris Johnson lying on a beach earning 20%, in danger of being rolled back into the sea

Numbwits are falling over their manservants to bung Boris Nonsense £150,000 to listen to 'I - I - I... er... no, urm... but YES' on about Peppa Pig and Kermit the Frog. Important stuff which would make us mere non-super-spaffers instant billionaires if we just grew rich daddies 59 years ago and had illegal, undisclosed Caribbean off-shore tax avoidance trust funds, what-what, eh?

But what-whatever spurts out of its blowhole, concerns have been raised that the disgraced former prime minister's taxpayer funded security detail still isn't enough to protect it from whaling harpoons.

The constituents of Uxbridge have been falsely reassured that their MP is safe, and they are being served as dutifully from a Caribbean beach as the people of Britain were served.

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Sperm Whale Beached Dead - Free photo on Pixabay

Boris Johnson destroys Peppa Pig World from Typhoon fighter jet

In a covert mission carried out under the dead of right-wing press fawning, Still Prime Minister Boris Johnson has personally napalmed Peppa Pig World at Paultons Park.

The official line from the Ministry of Defending the Indefensible is that there was a clear and present threat to the UK from woke snowflake cartoon characters. However, people not as high on the nutter scale have pointed to an act of retribution for Peppa Pig not signing a trade deal with the UK government, coupled with a building vengeance from the Prime Minister for not being allowed back on any of the rides.

The mission has been declared a complete success as collateral damage from the precision targeted strike destroyed all of the New Forest and most of Hampshire, leaving Peppa Pig World completely unharmed.

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Johnson's Mission To Ukraine Fails To Find Out If They've Been To Peppa Pig World

Today Mr Johnson has spent the day in Ukraine hoping to establish whether or not members of the Ukraine Government have recently visited Peppa Pig world. Despite raising the question in several speeches as well as directly asking senior Government Ministers he has failed to get any answers beyond blank looks and brief consultations with nearby aids.

Immediately on his return home Mr Johnson established contact with the UK Peppa Pig world hoping to send additional Peppa Pigs to Ukraine to help then in what he has established is their time of great need. No 10 later released a statement "How can the country appreciate all the West has to offer if nobody has yet had the opportunity to spend the afternoon at Peppa Pig World?"

Image: Foxpool | Pixabay