top of page

Earl Spencer has taken responsibility for some minor errors in his new book, and has apologised to those affected.


He admits that he incorrectly identified media star and all-round good guy, Piers Morgan, as the founder and ruler of the Mongol Empire and agrees that he did not lead a ruthless army famous for advanced horsemanship and battle skills.  Nor did he conquer vast territories stretching as far as China or cause massive destruction and the deaths of millions. These inadvertent mistruths arose because of a transcription error in which the words Morgan and Mongol were inadvertently swapped.


Earl Spencer was also happy to confirm that Mr Morgan did not start World War II in Europe, did not lead the Holocaust, and does not have a toothbrush moustache.  He accepts that although Mr Morgan may have criticised democratic institutions in his newspapers, he did not dismantle them, and had never assumed the title of Fuhrer.  These errors were due to a misunderstanding by his ghostwriter.


Earl Spencer is busy buying up all the copies of the first print run of his book, as he expects to make a killing selling them at a premium on the dark web.




Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here



In one of Nature's most frightening feats of adaptive mutation, the Coronavirus is now assuming forms never seen before. "We fear it could have insinuated itself into telemarketing or even be selling you double glazing", says epidemiologist Dr Mark Boyle. "We urge the public to be constantly vigilant".


Paranoia has gripped the nation. There are rumours that the virus could now be reading the news on Sky or posing as a junior minister. Police have called for calm after after a semi-literate mob of vigilantes attacked an Oxford classics don after they overheard him saying "I like Ovid".


Meanwhile, Piers Morgan remains holed up in a basement underneath the studios, as his bosses try to convince the howling mob outside that it was "just a metaphor" when he was described as "a virus in human form".




First published 16 Jan 2023


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?



















Amidst news that his flagship primetime talk show on TalkTV has now dropped to fewer than 24,000 viewers, talk show host and professional walk-off merchant (Check whether this is a typo - Ed.) Piers Morgan has now taken to calling on unsuspecting members of the public at home in a vain attempt to cause some confrontation and controversy.


Banging on doors in leafy St Albans, Morgan is prepared for any eventuality: carrying a case containing a steak baguette should a vegan answer; a Union Flag in case someone isn't looking forward to the upcoming jubilee; and a crucifix just in case he runs into Meghan Markle.


At his first house, Morgan draws a blank, meeting 89-year old Doris who remembers him from Good Morning Britain - and misses him on that - though she prefers Adil Ray who, 'speaks very nicely for a foreign.' However, at house number two he hits paydirt when the door is opened by Niall, a 36-year old freelance graphic designer, who has been working from home since the pandemic started. After a five minute rant about lazy millennials wanting it all, Morgan walks away puce-faced but satisfied someone has felt his wrath.


Speaking after the encounter, Niall remained upbeat, remarking, 'It was brief but kind of fun. I didn't even get a chance to tell him I'm pescatarian, or my pronouns are they/them, but I think he just needed to blow off some steam after being cooped up in that studio with only the crew to be angry towards. His producer gave me a release form to sign and reminded me to tune in tonight, but I think I'll stick to my repeats of Bake Off.'


Morgan says he plans to continue this one-man crusade to shock until his ratings recover. Failing that, he plans to increase the annoyance he can bring to Britain's doorsteps by becoming a Jehovah's Witness.



First published 21 May 2022



If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?















bottom of page