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Computer hacker 'spoofs' Conservative Party 1922 Committee inbox

May 27

A devious computer hacker has set up an account called VoteOfNoConfidence@1922_Committee.co.uk which looks all genuine and everything. Known in hackerworld as a 'spoof', Conservative politicians have been duped into submitting their votes of no confidence in Prime Minister Boris Johnson to this email address.

'Tories are notoriously lazy,' said the unnamed hacker. 'They just can't be arsed to do anything for anyone else, never mind follow the official submission process of delivering a printed letter on officially headed paper by hand to the Chairman of the 1922 Committee on bended knee with bowed head while revealing a nipple and tickling his exposed testicle.'

'What I have done is create a method which is so simple and easy to do that even self-absorbed right-wing MPs might actually get around to it, rather than staving off doing anything by insisting they need to wait for the results of Sue Gray's next urine test.

'The account only required 54 votes of no confidence, but there were already over 300 in there this morning. The best bit is that Boris Johnson has been constantly badgering the Chairman about the numbers; they are both certain it's only 2 and there's nothing to worry about, but Johnson is spaff up the wall when I reveal the true amount.'

Image: Pixabay/geralt

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First published 27 May 2022

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An unlikely job swap for Sam Battle and Keir Starmer

deskpilot

May 18

In an unexpected move, Sam Battle and Keir Starmer are to swap jobs.

Sam Battle, who underscored his musical talent at Eurovision, will take over as Prime Minister next week. Commentators say that he will bring a tremendous energy and enthusiasm to the role, which Keir Starmer has been unable to harness. He has said that he will continue to wear his trademark pink boiler suit for the duration of his premiership. He said that his main goal would be to ‘not make any U-turns’. He dismissed the suggestion that he would be known as ‘Look Mum, No Policies’ as frivolous. He added, 'I couldn't do any worse than Keir, could I?'

Keir Starmer, who has underscored as Labour party leader and PM, will be Britain’s Eurovision entry for 2027. In a statement, he said that he understood the importance of music to Britain and to the British economy. He said that he was disappointed with the poor result this year, which he attributed to the cost of living, the price of energy, international bond markets and the rise of Reform. He felt that Things Could Only Get Better and that he would be taking advice from Angela Rayner, as she could probably give a decent performance of Bangaranga, given the chance. He said that he would be judged by results, and that he was aiming to score at least two points. He added, 'I couldn't do any worse than Sam, could I?'

image from Grok

PMs birthday bash followed covid rules - sort of - says government

Throngsman

Jan 25

Amid reports that up to 30 members of staff, interior decorators and family members met indoors to celebrate Boris Johnson's birthday during lockdown, the government has insisted that the whole meeting was carried out in compliance with COVID rules..

'The singing of Happy Birthday was carried out twice while the chef who cut the cake washed his hands, in line with government guidance at the time, said a spokesperson..

Responding to critics that the Prime Minister risked spreading Covid particles by blowing out the candles the government spokesman replied that removing a fire risk was an acceptable reason for not wearing a mask and was carried out entirely in the public interest.