Updated: Nov 2
Ten people have gone on trial in Paris this week for claiming that the French President Emmanuel Macron is really a lowland silverback gorilla.
Conspiracy theorists point to the bushiness of his opposable thumbs and the thickness of his eyebrows. A video of Macron using a straw to scrape out a yoghurt pot went viral after people said it was just like the famous video filmed by the late naturalist Jane Goodall which showed a silverback using a blade of grass to scoop out ants from a tree trunk. Way to go Monsieur President!
His wife, Brigitte, admits that ‘Manny’, as she likes to call him, does like to swing on the bannisters at the Élysée Palace and has been known to beat his chest at election time. ‘But to suggest that he is a forest dwelling primate with the strength to fell trees is absurd’.
Nevertheless, the rumours persist which is why the Macrons have taken action. It is now likely that Macron will take a DNA test to prove that he is more human than gorilla. Meanwhile in an unusual move the judge has allowed a delivery of bananas when Macron is in the dock.
image from google gemini
Having fired probes into oncoming asteroids, NASA is hopeful they can knock Donald Trump out of his political trajectory. Warned one scientist: 'A large orange ball is heading right for the White House and every time Joe Biden opens his mouth, this lump picks up momentum.'
The impact of Trump would be seismic, with liberals flattened in every direction. Last time he created a crater the size of Manhattan - and that was just the indentation his arse left on the memory foam mattress.
'If hitting it with a probe won't make him budge, we can always send the FBI round again.'
First published 27 Sep 2022
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