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NASA to prevent Earth colliding with second Trump Presidency


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Having fired probes into oncoming asteroids, NASA is hopeful they can knock Donald Trump out of his political trajectory. Warned one scientist: 'A large orange ball is heading right for the White House and every time Joe Biden opens his mouth, this lump picks up momentum.'


The impact of Trump would be seismic, with liberals flattened in every direction. Last time he created a crater the size of Manhattan - and that was just the indentation his arse left on the memory foam mattress.


'If hitting it with a probe won't make him budge, we can always send the FBI round again.'



First published 27 Sep 2022


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Trump: I am James Bond

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With the revelation that Trump was a CIA asset, he now claims to be a MI6 agent operating at the highest level.


'The President grabbed Octopussy, for sure,' said an aide, and Gold Finger was definitely him. Not sure about the discoloured smudge on his hand, though. That might just be sh!t.


'He disagrees with Diamonds being forever, his preference is for Crypto. And obviously Scaramanga is a code word for Epstein. Three nipples, yes, but two belonged to an underage girl who the President saved. For later,' he added.


image from pixabay

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