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A recently leaked campaign consultant’s memo advises Republican candidates in America’s 2024 elections to ‘tone down’ their support for slavery, the catastrophic regime of violent race-based labor exploitation that tore the United States apart in the mid-19th century. ‘While most of us now recognize that slavery has acquired a negative connotation thanks to the unremitting smears of the woke abolitionist media,’ the memo states, ‘candidates need to understand that the issue remains a sore spot for certain key voter demographics.’


The memo advises candidates to refer to slavery using other less incendiary terms, such as ‘flexible remuneration’ or ‘insourcing.’ Candidates should avoid using the phrase ‘zero-dollar contracts,’ the memo notes, because the phrase ‘underperformed’ in focus group testing.


The leak comes in the wake of revelations that Mark Robinson, the Republican candidate for governor of North Carolina, has expressed support on social media for reinstating slavery. Robinson, who is Black, denies the assertion, which has been reported by numerous news outlets.


Robinson also denies having made a torrent of sexist, racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, and misogynist remarks on social media over the last decade attributed to him by several major news organizations. These denials come on the heels of his denials involving a more recent torrent of sexist, racist, homophobic, Islamophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, and misogynist remarks.


‘You have to hand it to the guy, he’s thorough,' said a veteran North Carolina political strategist. 'As far as I can tell, he’s insulted just about everyone except left-handed people and Elvis impersonators,’


image from pixabay

Self-declared winner of the Venezuelan Presidential elections Nicolas Maduro has allegedly declared counting votes as 'old fashioned', 'too complicated' and 'booooring', adding that he had won the vote 'mainly on vibes', and noting that there’s no point stacking Venezuela’s National Electoral Council with close allies unless you can get the result you prefer.


A spokesperson added 'President Maduro has been practising his surprised face for when the result is whatever we need it to be. We look forward to definitely not imprisoning more of his political opponents. And definitely not fiddling the election receipts so it eventually looks legit when we finally allow people access.'


Addressing American criticism of the obvious fraud, the spokesperson responded by saying, 'Oh yeah, how’s it going having Donald Trump as a viable candidate in 2024, despite, you know, everything.'


image from pixabay

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