Prime Minister | NewsBiscuit 6/46

Geoffrey Boycott to replace Imran Khan as Pakistani leader

dominic_mcg
Apr 13

The Pakistani government has made a controversial choice by choosing to elect outspoken former Yorkshire cricketer and grumpy old bugger, Geoffrey Boycott, as a replacement for outgoing Prime Minister, Imran Khan. Mr Khan's supporters are furious that he has been dropped and have taken to the streets, demanding action replays and use of the DRS.

Boycott has agreed to pad up and walk out to the crease and has promised to put Pakistan back on the world map.

"Khan was OK as a one day Prime Minister, or even a 20-20 leader but, on the big occasions, he needed to use his skills better and put in much more effort. He needed more games and not just on Sunday afternoons", he told our reporter.

He continued, "Khan has had a terrible innings. My grandmother could have done a better job than that."

Boycott is said to have already put together a Trophy Cabinet, his first eleven, which includes Wasim Akram, Waqar Younis, and Dickie Bird as Chancellor of the Exchequer.

Boycott's grandmother was unavailable for comment.

700+ Free Pakistan & Nature Photos (pixabay.com )

First published 13 April 2022

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Wrenfoe
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Ignoring the plight of British Steel, the PM has concluded that it is more profitable to focus on Brits Stealing. The plan is to bring grand larceny and embezzlement under government control, as opposed to what we have right now, which is the crooks running the Labour Party.

Forthwith all acts of theft will be given a Royal Seal of Approval, much like the British Empire. Under the Ministry for Backhanders, the new sector will stick to what we do best, keeping our fingers in the till. Rather than his Ministerial red suitcase, the Secretary of State will carry a bag marked Swag.

Some fear that the City of London will become populated by scoundrels - while others are concerned that we will not notice the difference.

Image: Pixabay/openclipart-vectors

Swanage man denies being Prime Minister

Chipchase
Mar 25

A man hitherto believed by many to be UK Prime Minister Boris Johnson, has shocked the country by denying it.

During an interview on Sky, when being asked about the Chancellor's Spring Statement having done little or nothing for the poor or disadvantaged, the man, a rotund shock-headed and rather bumbling individual said: 'Look, here. Why do you keep addressing me as prime minister? I'm James (Jimbo to my chums) Anstruther.'

The puzzled presenter said: 'Well, I do so because in fact you are. You're Boris Johnson, aren't you. You are the British Prime Minister?"

There then followed a bizarre exchange when the man stated repeatedly and categorically he was not Mr Johnson, insisting: 'Piffle, poffle and wiffle. I am James Anstruther, a market gardener from Swanage."

In what's being seen as a worrying development, a Mr James Anstruther, market gardener from Swanage was unavailable for comment today. One close neighbour said he had not been seen around the locality for at least a week, when he was last spotted flanked by two shadowy figures being bundled into the back of a large black limousine.