Updated: Nov 2
TV executives are excited about a planned reboot of the iconic prison-based sitcom Porridge. They say that the format is even more relevant in 2025 and can include themes of spending cuts, early prisoner releases, and administrative incompetence. Â
There is no news on casting, but we have obtained a first draft of the opening monologue:
‘Norman Stanley Kebatu, you have pleaded guilty to the charges brought by this court, and it is now my duty to pass sentence. You are an habitual asylum seeker, who accepts arrest as an occupational hazard, and presumably accepts imprisonment and/or deportation in the same casual manner. We therefore feel constrained to commit you to the maximum term allowed for these offences: you will go to prison for a little while, and you then be let out and taken to Finsbury Park until you see the error of your ways. We may deport you, if you can pay for your own ticket.‘
image from google gemini
With 262 prisoners released in error, the government has begged C4 to find them again. The new series will show understaffed prison guards leaving doors unlocked, while elite bounty hunters catch the criminals with large butterfly nets.
There has been a 50% increase in accidental releases, which means no need for cakes baked with files in them. In fact, there are more criminals now living in the wild than beavers.
Said one hunter: 'In theory these molestors and crooks could be anywhere, but in practise most are in the Labour cabinet.'
image from google gemini