Revealed: Horizon computer system runs prisoner releases
- Jeremynh
- 3 minutes ago
- 1 min read
"After a thorough investigation into our pathetic tendency to release hundreds of prisoners a year by mistake," a spokes-revolving door for the Prison Service told reporters, "we have narrowed the problem down to our computer system.
"It's called 'Horizon'. Does that ring a bell?
"Every day, it spews out random names. Yesterday, it told us to set free Mao Tse Tung, Desert Orchid, Rick Astley and the Bay City Rollers.
"Once in a while, it comes up with the name of someone who's actually in one of our establishments, such as 'Hadush Kebatu', and we let them go - thereby obliging the police to launch a huge manhunt.
"Horizon was the computer system responsible for all those sub-postmasters being wrongly accused, you say?
"Well, in that case, justice is being done. Horizon banged them up by mistake and now it's releasing them by mistake. It's proof the system's working perfectly."