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First immigrants sent to Rwanda 'disappointed' flights are by Ryanair


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Following weeks of desperate escape from war torn regions, and a terrifying encounter with Priti Patel after an 'interesting' journey across the English Channel, the first illegal immigrants, or refugees as they are sometimes referred as, have expressed 'deep regret' that they may now scheduled to fly to Rwanda by Ryanair.


'I can take the delays and the lousy airport food, but the 'upgrade' from a free seat to one with padding, arms, back and seat; the 'optional extra' for use of the indoor toilet in-flight for a surcharge, the charge for mediocre sandwiches at exorbitant prices and the mind boggling surcharges for one carry-on, two carry-ons or carry-ons with hold baggage that fail to address my handkerchief-tied-to-a stick luggage requirement,' said one of the first customers today. A spokesperson claiming to be from Ryanair said their pricing was fair and transparent, but insisted the length of the stick must not exceed 60cm, else a £20 - £40 surcharge will be payable, depending on the time of day.


Other travellers on the inaugural Rwanda flights are more pragmatic. 'It's a sh!t destination,' agreed one of them, 'but according to a spokesperson the nearest provincial airport to Kigali International Airport in Rwanda is Beauvais Tillé Airport in France, so I'll just hitch-hike back to Calais and jump on a li-lo,' he said.


image from pixabay


First published 9 June 2022



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Coastal water skulking by British shoreline trying to point out illegal Nigel Farages


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Coastal water won't give it a rest until it has definitely spotted illegal Nigel Farages invading the British shoreline.


'I'm here every day protecting the English Channel and the rest of the world from illegal Nigel Farages,' said the coastal water. 'You saw my poster. There are millions of Nigel Farages who will swarm into Turkey, Romania and Bulgaria if something isn't done about them.


'Look. Look! There's one now! Quick! Get 'im! Before he makes a break for it... oh no, that's just a lifeguard. They're OK. Well, most of 'em.


'I was just up the Kent coast last week, and I saw one of those illegal Suella Bravermans. They can be even worse, you know. They've all got this dream, see, that one day the Telegraph will print a front page of them illegally trafficking people on a flight to Rwanda.


'And once, right, my mates spotted an illegal Priti Patel. But they pushed her back onto the shoreline and beached her.'


H/T: apepper



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