Rees-Mogg adapting to new job of being 'crackpot in the pub'

Jacob Rees-Mogg has confessed that he's taking a bit of time to adapt to his new position of being the 'character' in his local pub. 

'When one is a government minister, one's opinions carry a certain weight - which I certainly don't measure in kilograms,' explained 'Sir' Jacob. 'However, it's been explained to me that after losing the election, I am not only no longer a minister, I'm, unaccountably, also not even allowed in the building without asking my MP for permission. So I have accepted a position of approaching strangers in a local hostelry and providing them with ridiculous opinions. I think the retirement age should be 90; sorry, that just slipped out.'

Image credit: Wix AI

New Labour slogan - “We know where you live”

The Labour Party today revealed its new slogan for the general election - “We know where you live”. 

The slogan was announced during a party political broadcast, in which a menacing figure standing in the shadows, his face never seen, speaks to each viewer directly.

”George Matthews, we know all about that tweet you liked in 2021,” the figure told a terrified man in Oswestry. “And what you told your friends in the saloon bar of the Dog and Badger two years later.

“And we don’t think that attitude’s very helpful. We’d hate to have to have this conversation again at a later date. I’m sure you understand.”

Matthews immediately called Labour Party headquarters to ask how a TV broadcast could possibly have addressed him individually.

”They said it wasn’t possible, and I must have imagined it. But I could hear Peter Mandelson cackling hysterically in the background.”

image from pixabay

Spiv in pub lifts spirits

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