Fire Brigade to scale back firefighting aspect of its role

The Fire Brigade, which was today praised for the progress it’s made in reducing racism, sexism and all other isms within its ranks, has announced that it’s going to focus on this - and stripping - in future rather than putting out fires.

'The Mayor of London has made it clear to me that this is the priority now,' said Chief Fire Officer Steve Makeweight today. 'It’s a different world, and we have to change with the times.

'And since these new guidelines don’t come with any new funding, they shouldn’t be surprised if we can’t devote so much time to putting out fires in future.'

He went on to say that he welcomed these new priorities because 'they’re much less expensive than actual firefighting.

'After all, you don’t need protective equipment to sit through endless meetings about diversity and sexist language in the workplace. They don’t make a suit that can protect you from condescension and mind-melting tedium.'

'Anyone physically able to be a fireman will be asked to become a fireman-stripper instead.'

Image: WixAI

Amendment to UN Declaration of Human Rights

A controversial draft for changing the UN's DHR has been proposed. "Breaking into your house and shooting you counts as self-defence if I have reason to think you might be dangerous."

The nationality of the draft's sponsor, Moshe Cohen, has not been confirmed officially. Moshe insisted," Obviously, there would need to be racial safeguards built into the amendment. White men with red necks would have a prima facie case to suspect danger from dark-skinned folk but the reverse would not apply. Haitians & other well-known pet eaters would need to prove their pacifist intentions. While the Bible could be cited to justify suspicions the Quran could not be considered equally."

A man wearing a towel on his head spoke out against the proposal. "Such a law would open the door for foreign nations to target the Knesset as  fair game for missiles as the military leaders of the IDF are well known to use it as a venue for meetings. This could set a dangerous precedent whereby gangs of medieval men would not be free to enslave & oppress any females who chanced to be born in 'their back yard.' "

Most national leaders declared they would not be able to offer any judgement on the amendment without consultation with & analysis from their financial advisors. The bankers were considered likely to be the deciding force.

image from pixabay

Trump unsure which excuse to use for getting two black men mixed, racism or dementia

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