Literally no one surprised as Reform councillor sacked

An expedition into the remote Amazon jungle has failed to discover anyone who was surprised by the news that a newly elected Reform councillor has been sacked for past racist tweets.

After several weeks in which they didn’t encounter a human soul, the expedition was surprised to come across a village of tribes people who appeared to have had no contact at all with the outside world.

However, according to village headman Guaraná, none of them had been at all surprised by the news that Glenn Gibbins had once posted that Nigerians should be melted down to fill potholes.

'What an absolute cockwomble,' Guaraná continued. 'I mean, I don’t even know what a Nigerian is - or a pothole - and even I know only a complete twatbadger would say that.'

A spokesman for Reform said the occasional hiccup like this was inevitable in such a fast-growing party.

“There just hasn’t been time to vet such a huge number of new candidates to check if they’re racist Neanderthals,” he explained. 'Which of course they mostly are, since they want to join Reform.'

A primitive, Stone Age people whose technology is limited to flint arrowheads, Reform now has almost one and a half thousand councillors across England and Wales.

Image credit: NB archive