Layabout crackpots up and down the country are being 'ignored' by all the major political parties claimed Ron Jenkins of Clacton, speaking from his inflatable ostrich, Kevin, whilst waiting for cash in the attic to start.
'They always bang on about the ordinary, hard-working voter - what about weirdos?', said Mr Jenkins, speaking in Klingon.
Image by Ryan McGuire from Pixabay
The school inspection body has announced that it will be continuing its one word assessment rating, but, in deference to recent criticism, this word will now be arbitrarily selected from the Oxford English Dictionary.
Inspectors will be instructed that the selected word should offer no hint of a judgemental call : so positive, or negative, descriptors will be replaced by vegetable names, cloud types, architectural features or whatever whimsy may scamper through the assessors mind at the time.
A trial run out of this policy has resulted in St. Robnolds Infants School, Penge being assessed as 'tourmaline', whilst the neighbouring Bryden Academy is now rated as 'exfoliant'.
Whilst this new policy will reduce levels of anxiety and stress within the industry and eliminate all those gaudy banners now seen hanging on school railings, it should also play merry hob with families playing the catchment area game, who will now have to rationalise between Ofsted ratings of 'ormolu','distillate' and 'plinth'.
author: FlashArry
image from pixabay
Any of the last five polished Prime Minister turds could have said these words, so it doesn't matter which f*cking one. All demonstrated A-stars in cowardice, earned a First in tragic incompetence, graduated with full honours in piss poor decision making, and were top of their classes in disguising basic knowledge acquisition.
Random chimps with no formal education at all would have done better.
Unhelpfully, there isn't a random chimp party you can vote for, so we're all still stuck with this procession of brain ache.
