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King Charles in 'advanced talks' over Haaland problem



King King Charles is said to be making good progress in his bid to get Donald Trump to force.... sorry, request  FIFA  to issue a retrospective red card to Erling Haaland for doing nothing wrong in Norway's world cup round of 16 win over Brazil, thereby making the freak of nature ineligible for the quarter final with England,, 


Citing the special relationship, Charles wasn't making much progress so he then moved on to the next stage, threatening  to ask the relevant people to release the peepee tapes and then stage 3, an accidental release of Unredacted Epstein files in full (and to hell with his ex brother), or maybe a serious car crash.


image from Grok


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'Rivals' hailed for its 'realistic, down to earth' relationship advice


Disney's bonkbuster adaptation of Jilly Cooper's Rivals has been praised by Relate, The Women's Institute and the West Midlands Sexual Health Service for its lifelike portrayal of relationships.


'I hadn't realised that if a man is smoking a cigar while demonic choir music swells around him he's probably a wrong 'un', one counsellor told us. 'Wish I'd known that before my first marriage'.


'So you're not supposed to shag your best mate's daughter?' asked one bemused viewer. 'News to me'.


The show is set in the 1980s, roughly 5 minutes before the AIDS epidemic, which might explain why every permutation of male/female coupling has been enthusiastically pursued. 


'They don't write books like that any more', a spokeswomen for the WI said. 'Well', she whispered, 'not the ones you can get at the library anyway. Pure filth.'



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