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With Reform leader Nigel Farage finally admitting he received £5 million from a foreign/not-foreign billionaire donor, the betting industry is putting the odds to what reason will stick when the story eventually gets oxygen.


'Obviously he forgot he was paid £5 million,' said a betting expert, 'or he remembered but forgot that he was obliged to declare the donation,' he added.  'He might have remembered to forget, but that's at 300/1,' he added.


'Nonsense,' declared another betting expert, 'it was obviously an inadvertent oversight,'  he said.  'Not like Starmer's glasses.  Anyone could see through them,' he pointed out.


'I think you'll find he has no case to answer, everybody gets gifts all the time.  Most people don't declare them,' said a Reform spokesman, while admitting he didn't know the first thing about betting.  'By betting, is that the same as saying certain things that people have paid you to say?' he asked, 'like Nathan Gill, who none of us actually knew, those photos are clearly fake,' he added..


'It was clearly an oversight and all taxes will be paid eventually, if they have to,' declared Richard Tice before retracting the statement.  'Sorry, I thought you were asking about my finances.  Obviously I won't pay my taxes, but I'm sure something else will distract from them, like Nigel's bribe,'  he said.





Reform leaders are breathing normally again after Richard Tice’s recent intervieworial train crash revealed that the party plans to send millions of pounds to fund the Taliban in exchange for them taking some slightly brown people off our hands.


'Brown is brown', a spokesman might have said. 'Every little helps. We’ll never get back to one of the really good Dulux shades, but every tone lighter is worth a good hundred million'.


The obvious problem with sending millions to the Taliban is that it’s likely to be spent on terrorist training camps, which some observers have suggested might be a Bad Thing. Reform’s solution? Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban – a smorgasbord of nonsense policies to deflect attention from plans to directly fund terrorists from UK taxes. Possibly the silliest such policy is redefining the word 'indefinite' to mean 'until I say so', which has proven popular among lamppost & casual racism afficionados.


The other benefit of Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban is that it deflects attention from Nigel’s £900k house, which was apparently bought – quite normally - with cash his girlfriend saved up from waitressing tips.


Image: WixAI

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