Don’t mention the Taliban: I mentioned it once but I think I got away with it

Reform leaders are breathing normally again after Richard Tice’s recent intervieworial train crash revealed that the party plans to send millions of pounds to fund the Taliban in exchange for them taking some slightly brown people off our hands.

'Brown is brown', a spokesman might have said. 'Every little helps. We’ll never get back to one of the really good Dulux shades, but every tone lighter is worth a good hundred million'.

The obvious problem with sending millions to the Taliban is that it’s likely to be spent on terrorist training camps, which some observers have suggested might be a Bad Thing. Reform’s solution? Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban – a smorgasbord of nonsense policies to deflect attention from plans to directly fund terrorists from UK taxes. Possibly the silliest such policy is redefining the word 'indefinite' to mean 'until I say so', which has proven popular among lamppost & casual racism afficionados.

The other benefit of Operation Don’t Mention The Taliban is that it deflects attention from Nigel’s £900k house, which was apparently bought – quite normally - with cash his girlfriend saved up from waitressing tips.

Image: WixAI