- Sully
- May 13, 2024
Following the popularity of recent displays of the Northern Lights, Rishi Sunak has promised to put on the lightshow during the daytime as well.
‘Most hard-working families are asleep at night, apparently’ Mr Sunak told reporters before glancing over at Reg White, the Official Northerner, for affirmation. Mr White gave a small nod and Sunak continued.
‘The Northern Lights are part of our Levelling Up agenda. No longer will hard-working families in the south go without this splendid display of, erm, science stuff. British scientists lead the world and a future Conservative government will work tirelessly to goad the sun into doing whatever it does at night, during the daytime as well’.
Some critics have suggested that the sun’s coronal mass ejections might already take place during the day but we just can’t see the effect because of daylight, though this was dismissed as ‘woke nonsense’ by Sunak. ‘The Plan is working. The Blair government didn’t give us such magnificent displays of the Northern Lights, did it? That’s because he didn’t have The Plan’.
The idea has been warmly welcomed by the remaining Conservative MPs, with 350 identical tweets simultaneously praising the idea.
A recent feeling of inner warmth some have not been able to explain has been put down to a total and utter shambolic implosion that the Conservative leadership have foisted upon themselves. Again.
These brief moments of bliss should show the entire nation what utter wangwallops their governments have been, currently are, and will continue to be if left to their own divisive devices.
'What is this?' said a normal person. 'Is it... is it hope? A light at the end of a dark tunnel of 14 years of unequivocal mismanagement of the nation I love?'
Yes. Yes it is. But be careful what you Rish for. Remember that these imbeciles are capable of scrabbling together any old lies to scrawl on the side of a Truss. And then career that Truss right through the economy in just 49 days, causing irreparable Johnson.
Photo by Aleksandar Cvetanovic on Unsplash