Harry, Meghan and Andrew star in new visitor attraction, Brassic World

In a move that has left Buckingham Palace reeling, Harry and Meghan are teaming up with Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor to launch 'Brassic World', a theme park billed as the ultimate destination for fans of fallen royals.

Inspired by Jurassic World, the attraction will feature carefully contained specimens of disgraced blue bloods, allowed to roam freely in purpose-built habitats.

Visitors can board the 'Exile Express' monorail for a close-up view of Harry and Meghan’s California compound exhibit, complete with Netflix cameras and a live 'Oprah Exclusive' amphitheatre where the animatronic host invites our sympathy with their unfortunate plight of being confined to palaces and red carpet events while wearing fine clothes.

Andrew’s wing promises the 'Pizza Express Alibi Safari', a jungle trek past replica Epstein Island water features and including a thrilling 'Title Stripping Rapids' ride.

The theme park is funded by investors from the failed FIFA World Cup privatisation bid. An early press release claims the venture will 'democratise the monarchy by letting the public gawk at those who fell from The Firm's grace'. However, one critic warned, 'Man shouldn't mess with Royal nature. There's always the risk of escape of a sudden memoir.'

Set near Legoland Windsor (just to rub William and Kate's noses in it), visitors are asked not to feed the exhibits or enquire about security costs.

Image credit: ChatGPT. Looks like Andrew's had some work done.

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Royal watcher thanks generous neighbours

An avid Royal watcher from Swindon has thanked her 'kindly' neighbours  for allowing her to watch the trooping the colour on their 50 inch TV. Rose Johnson, 57 has been unable to afford a TV of her own since her 12 year old knock off set broke down, despite working two jobs and selling everything else she could get any money for. The family at number 28, who don't want to be named because the whole thing made them feel sick, said  'It's the least we could do really. We would have given her something to eat too, but the food bank has that covered, and we don't want this to become a regular thing.'

When asked why she was so desperate to see the event, Rose said 'Well. I haven't got much and I really find the royals inspirational. I have been a loyal follower for as long as I can remember. It just shows that if you work hard, there is always a chance that one day it could be you. I know it's too late for me now, but we must support this glorious institution, and vote Reform to get rid of the riffraff. I once tried to get a colleague the sack for telling a ghastly joke about Princess Diana.'

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Prince of Wales may have to be "scuttled" after breakdown

The Prince of Wales had to be suspended from duties after breaking down in tears and being towed to the nearest palace.

'Honestly, this is not the first time this has happened with the Prince of Wales,' said a Buckingham House insider. 'He's always breaking down about something or other. This time, it seems he was upset about his propeller shaft.

'f we keep on having these breakdowns, we're going to have to think very seriously about scuttling the Prince of Wales at Scapa Flow.'