Royal reconciliation

Former Prince, Harry, has met King Charles at Clarence House.

Palace officials say that the meeting went well, and that Charles had shown Harry his collection of antique cricket bats.

Reports of noises from the meeting, such as 'Yaroo, Ow, and Owww' have been quietly dismissed as 'horseplay', 'joshing' and 'father-son bonding'.

After the meeting, the two repaired to the garden where Charles had organised a celebratory bonfire. This was a rather smoky affair and officials say that they can neither confirm or deny that a large number of copies of 'Spare' were being torched.

After the meeting Charles said that he fully supported Harry in launching his new broadcasting company called Net Flicks, and that he was looking forward to seeing him again in ten years time.

image from Google Gemini

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‘Reconnect with nature’, urges Princess Kate, whose family owns half of it

The Princess of Wales has released her latest Mother Nature video, in which she encourages us all to ‘reconnect with nature’ - though her version of nature comes with several stately homes, a helipad, and gardeners who trim the topiary into the shape of corgis.

The videos feature the Prince and Princess enjoying the British countryside, much of which is conveniently owned by them. The Royal Family collectively own over 6.6 billion acres of land worldwide - more than enough for every British citizen to have their own meadow, a small wood, and a personal deer.

A Kensington Palace spokesman said, “Her Royal Highness hopes her message will inspire all citizens to ‘step outside, breathe fresh air, and enjoy the wonders of the natural world’ - provided they don’t accidentally trespass on one of the many royal estates while doing so.”

Critics have pointed out that while Kate enjoys multiple properties and endless private green space, around one in eight UK families have no access to a garden. Still, the Princess insists that everyone can connect with the earth ‘even in a small way’, and suggests those without a garden could perhaps plant a flower in an old yogurt pot, lean out of a window and squint at a patch of municipal grass, or take a walk along a dual carriageway verge. Alternatively, they could buy a castle surrounded by several acres of land, or marry someone with ‘Duke’ in their name.

The Royal Family insist that their estates are managed ‘for the benefit of the nation’ - with the nation’s benefit defined as members of the public being allowed to look at pictures of HIghgrove in glossy coffee-table books, download a high-definition Balmoral screensaver, or gaze wistfully at Sandringham from the nearest bus stop.

Meanwhile, many of us will have to make do with admiring Kate’s beloved countryside from behind a fence before being escorted back to the car park by security, or stay indoors and watch Kate do it on YouTube.

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New Prince Philip Statue Offends From Every Angle

Unveiling his remodelling of St James's Park and tributes to Queen Elizabeth II's reign, Lord Foster also showed initial designs for a monument to the Duke of Edinburgh that, like him, promises to offend after a few minutes in its presence.

'I'm very proud of my team's efforts in designing this testament,' the three-time Stirling Prize said yesterday at the announcement. "We dug deeply into the wit and wisdom of Her Majesty's Consort and feel we've captured the essence of his spirit in the outcome.

'While there's warmth and intelligence there; as you view it in the round, there will be parts that make you cringe and others that leave you visibly upset or infuriated. That, we feel, gets to the very centre of the man and his legend. It also means when you get further into the park, you really do appreciate the wonder that was our former monarch."