Queen renamed to end confusion

With social media once again confused at Buckingham Palace's reports of the Queen's health, news organisations have agreed with the royal household to use updated terminology to stop people confusing Camilla for Elizabeth II.

'This is why we initially wanted to call Camilla the Queen Consort,' said Emily Double-barrelled, Royal Correspondent for the Daily Express. 'Sadly, that got vetoed and it left us at a bit of a loss. The crown also rejected our other suggestions of 'The Queen, no not that one', 'The King's Second Wife', or the slightly too long 'The Queen, but it should have been Diana, she's the real queen of hearts.'

In a statement, The King's private secretary gave clarification on the new acceptable nomenclature, telling us, 'We understand the confusion and that, after 70 years of Queen Elizabeth as monarch, old habits - much like her - die hard. Looking back on recent history, we had Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, and Mary as Dowager Queen. With those in mind, and following discussions with their Majesties, I'm pleased to announce that henceforth - due to the way she came to her title - Queen Camilla is to be known as The Queen's Gambit.'

Image credit: Wix AI

Royal coaches waiting up to 40 hours to discharge their royals

The Royal family have accused members of the Royal family of 'palace blocking', leading to gold plated royal coaches being parked up outside palaces for up to 40 hours.

'One cannot occupy a 60 room palace when one's brother and ex-wife, or one's ginger-haired grandson are still in residence,' said an anonymous insider today.

Palace blocking is thought to be linked to Royal List payments. 'It's all very well the country standing on their doorsteps clapping as one is driven past, waving,' said the anonymous source, 'but that doesn't pay one's bills. It's no wonder one is reduced to serving quiche at one's coronation banquet,' he added.

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