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Putin survives Special Military Election



Vlad the Bad had welcomed the challenge from Jevgenij the Cook-Monster. “Nobody trusts the regular elections in this country, it’s only when you survive a coup de etat that you can actually tell you’re a really popular guy.” International election monitors sent glowing reports during last week’s election, saying that unlike the 2018 Russian elections, this time both the government and the opposition sides had guns, tanks, and thousands of armed thugs. Additionally, both sides were able to freely publish porkies on the internet. “This was the most free and fair election in Russia since 1993, the last time tanks rolled into Moscow - I love watching democracy at work!”


Author: Dogular



First published 26 June 2023



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Putin declares first phase complete as Hogwarts is surrounded



In a surprise tactical change, the Russian army has withdrawn from Ukraine and encircled Hogwarts school, claiming the liberation of a fictional location was their intent all along. 'You can shove your sanctions,' suggested a Russian spokesman, 'once we force Harry Potter to surrender then we will be all powerful.' The UK government has extended sanctions to include all J K Rowling books, but noted that as Hogwarts isn't in NATO it can't intervene, even in literature. 'We might provide a poem or two,' suggested a spokesman from the MoD.


First published 29 March 2022




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