Who doesn’t love a bit of rhyming slang? We love it because it is very British wordplay, it’s how ordinary people talk, not the toffs, and it reminds us of East Enders. Duff, duff, duff…
Well, language is constantly changing, so we asked our intrepid step-daughters (reporters) to suggest some updated rhyming slang. Here’s what they came up with:
Celebs
Oily garage (‘oily’) – Nigel Farage
Oily sump (‘oily’) – Donald Trump
Oily body (‘oily’) – Narendra Modi
Lettuce – Liz Truss (obviously…)
Jeffery Epstein – unclean
Liz Truss – fuss
JD Vance - interpretive dance (eg. ‘Could you explain that using the medium of JD Vance?’)
Nigel Farage – bullshit barage
(Kemi) Badenoch - crock (probably not filled with gold)
Malaise
Robert Jenrick - sick, or taking the mick
Liz Truss – cystitis
Wallace and Gromit - vomit (eg. ‘Look out, don't step in the Wallace’)
Harry Styles - piles
Farmer Giles - piles
Nobby Stiles - piles
Brandreth, Giles – piles. See also Emma Freud.
Train delays
Frisky colt – train fault (eg. ‘Sorry I'm an hour late for work, Northern Rail frisky, innit?:’
Deep sea diver - got no driver
Oak and pine - leaves on the line
Peter Purves - no trolley service
Croydon and Purley - went home early
Stupid Berks - over-running engineering works
Miscellaneous
Snapchat - prat
Underperform - Reform
Mar-a-lago - farago (eg. ‘It were a right mar’)
With contributions from deskpilot, FlashArry, Lockjaw, Walter Eagle, Sirlupus, Sinnick, and Beau-jolly. Well done, team!
Image credit (if any is deserved): perchance.org edited in Wix
The right wing of the Tory party is arguing about the next "big idea" for the country. Jacob Rees-Mogg has proposed raising the retirement age to 97, legalising work for the under 3s and reopening coal mines, "not for the coal, but for the LOLZ".
Lord Frost disagrees with Mogg's idea. "It's been claimed that my last wheeze is costing the country £100bn a year, but I think we can do better than that. If we make retirement age below the school leaving age, then the entire country grinds to a halt in a year and I think we can make that per week. Now, that would be an achievement."
John Redwood has proposed a zero rate income tax combined with a maximum wage "for plebs" of £0 per hour, with a 10% bonus for weekends.
image from pixabay
First published 4 Feb 2023
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