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Bidding war erupts for Boris Johnson’s memoirs to be kept under wraps


A bidding war between publishers, media companies and Tory donors to keep Boris Johnson’s memoirs under wraps has begun, and the asking price is sky rocketing.

Boris has already drafted seven volumes of the series, provisionally titled The Truth Never Lies, during quiet moments at Number 10. He is reported to have ghost writers working towards a full twenty volume box set. The memoirs will reveal Boris’s innermost thoughts, if any, during a series of astonishing scandals and crises that rocked the nation. Aides say that the memoirs will reveal the absolute, real and properly evidenced truth about everything - without embellishment, self-aggrandisement, or accuracy.

The involvement of US based streaming services has pushed up the price for the rights. One company said that audiences for a dramatisation could outstrip those for The Crown and quipped that the series could be called The Clown. Channel 4 has announced that it is withdrawing from the race, noting, ironically, that they can’t even afford to find out how they got shafted.

At this stage, it seems likely that a cabal of Tory donors will outbid all of the publishing houses and media companies. They have tabled an eight figure bid (ten figures if you include the pence), reasoning that this is a small price to pay to avoid a long series of painful revelations as each new volume is published. One said that although it was tempting to use the money to just bribe the voters, it was clearly more effective to buy the rights, bury the memoirs forever, and stop the whole idiotic charade from coming to light.


photo: https://pixabay.com/users/lukasbieri-4664461/

Boris Johnson hits back furiously following 'BloJo' incident





Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has attempted to deflect from his role in the steamy scenario described in yesterday’s Private Eye magazine in which an MP, believed to be Gavin Williamson, walked into Johnson’s office when he was Foreign Secretary and found him being given noisy oral relief by his current wife Carrie Johnson, then plain Carrie Symonds.


Johnson, however, was still married to his second wife, Marina, at the time the alleged scenario took place.


Shortly after the incident, now being given the social media hashtag, #blojo, Symonds was in return given a job by Johnson with a salary of £100,000 per annum. The inference being made by ‘The Eye’ is that she was appointed to the position for ‘services rendered’


However, in typical forthright, rumbustious style, Johnson sought to explain away the accusation, telling newsmen: ‘No story happened. It wasn’t my cock. I’m sorry, it was my cock. I’m not sorry it was my cock. It was a work blow. Let’s wait for Sue Gray. Let’s wait for the Met Police. Let’s wait for the Parliamentary Standards Committee. Let’s move on. The people’s priority is to move on. It's all fluff. I’m getting on the job.’


Gavin Williamson was approached for comment but his office said that he’s currently unavailable while he continues to recover from the long-term effects of an eye-bleaching episode following the event.



Image from Pixabay by Tumisu


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