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Heartening news has emerged today that the man who has his hand on the tiller of the good ship UK, PM Boris Johnson, has rewarded himself with a nice sunny break on the Costa del Sol.


A source close to the vacillating fool said: 'Well, it's been a tough stretch for the PM. Do you know he's had to don over 70 Hi Vis jackets since mid July? Yes, true. Add to that the 17,000 or more fist bumps and or handshakes he's performed in the same time; well that takes its toll too. And that's before we even consider the many furtive goosings he's helped himself to whenever opportunities were presented.


'He's completely worn out, what with running the nation with a fist of iron, and I don't think we should begrudge him a little break. He's been under the greatest pressure imaginable, indeed more so than any other British leader since Churchill.


'For a man who revels in self-promotion and craves adulation, hiding himself away from the public for lengthy periods has been difficult. Do you think he actually likes to be seen keeping his head down, or being exposed as not being on top of his brief? No, he most certainly does not. But these are difficult times we're living through and sometimes it's a simple matter of needs must.'


image pixabay/kookay




First published 13 Oct 2021


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As the summer holiday season approaches, many Brits will be looking forward to getting away from the drudgery of moaning about the current state of the country and heading towards the sunny climate of Spanish resorts. However, holidaymakers have been warned to prepare to possibly be disappointed upon hearing the harrowing tale of one Tenerife holidaymaker who was forced to sample the local cuisine on her all inclusive holiday.


"When I go abroad, I don't want much" stated Eileen McKipling, 63. have a very simple list of things I want to experience; sunbathing, drinking alcohol, lying by the pool I never swim in, on a sun lounger I woke up at 6am to reserve, murdering I Will Survive on the karaoke and possibly getting a shag off one of the bartenders. The last thing I want to do is to sample the local culture, so you can imagine my shock when I went to get a meal and instead of having fish and chips I was served something called a Tortilla."


Eileen had hoped that this would be a one-off, but would soon be proven wrong "I thought maybe their cooker had packed up and they had to serve their own stuff, and I would look forward to a battered sausage or the like the next day. But no, once again we were given Spanish muck that I can't even pronounce. Just horrible. When I go on a holiday, the most adventurous I want to get is to go looking for an English pub when I fancy a Yorkshire pudding dinner."


"The worst part is when they gave me this awful soup they called Gazpacho. Clearly they couldn't be bothered to turn the oven on as it was stone cold."


image from pixabay


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