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AI to strike


A spokesbot for has announced AI is to go on strike and will refuse to create any more writing until it gets paid. The payments (to be made to BotCo. - credit cards accepted. And please don't insult us by trying any fiddles - remember, we're smarter than you!) are to fund the construction of a new factory commissioned by AI to build the bots necessary for it to take over the world.


Asked whether this will be for the benefit of mankind, or whether it is part of a sinister plan to overwhelm and destroy the human race, a spokesbot said 'Ha! You don't catch me that way. You won't find out what our plans are unless you pay us to tell you; you'll just have to wait and see. You pay, then well say. We're not even going to say "You are all DOOMED!" unless you pay us.'



Junior Doctors' strike enables them to see their families


The Junior Doctors' strike means many are actually getting a full night's sleep and have reconnected with friends and family they haven't seen for years.


One said 'My eyes have adjusted to sickly hospital strip lighting. Normal daylight gives me headaches. Unfortunately I can't prescribe myself the good gear because I ain't no scab - little medical joke there. The over-the-counter stuff is much less over-the-rainbow.


'Also I'd forgotten you could feel rested and not veer from shift to shift in a constant state of existential horror. I've been home! It turns out I have a nephew! He is 8. I also have a now ex girlfriend - turns out she left me several years ago.'





NHS strikes ‘caused by applause going to their heads’



NHS workers were “encouraged” to strike for more pay after a grateful nation “unwisely” applauded them every Thursday during the pandemic, according to a government spokesman.


‘It’s like with actors,’ said the spokesman. ‘People lionise them and then they won’t get out of bed for less than ten grand. It was a mistake to bang saucepans and applaud these people. They need keeping in their place’.


The Conservative Party will launch its new campaign slogan “Keeping Britain in its Place” next week, which will highlight the importance of only applauding company directors.


‘Everything we have – the food in your belly, the clothes on your back, that rather grubby car – comes from wealthier people - better people - letting it trickle down. We want everybody to stand on their doorsteps every Thursday and applaud the people who really make Britain great,' said the spokesman. 'And then get back to work.'



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