‘Let down’ supermarket scraps discount for emergency services staff

A well-known supermarket, that we are not naming (but it begins with the letter A) is rolling back its discount for public sector workers in the police, fire and health services.

A spokesman for the well-known supermarket (whose name also ends with the letter A) said, ‘We introduced the discount to recognise the amazing contribution of nurses, doctors and other health workers to the whole Covid thing.   We wanted to give something back, and we reckon we’ve done that.   So we are ending the discount to invest in low prices for everyone.  Not all heroes buy grapes.

‘We are withdrawing the scheme because it has run its course. The government has raised public sector wages, so nurses and police officers and firefighters can afford to pay full whack for their fruit and veg now. And it's been ages since Covid was a thing.  So.  That’s it, really.’

Industry insiders have pointed out that the well-known supermarket (which is run by a private equity firm that knows very little about retailing) may have other issues.

One insider said, ‘The well-known supermarket (which has its logo written in green) has raised concerns that the police don’t do enough on shoplifting. And one of its stores burned down last year, with firefighters arriving so late that they just brought marshmallows. And there is a story about a uniformed nurse who refused to look at a cut finger in one store because she’d just worked a 48-hour shift, or some other feeble excuse.

‘So there is a possibility that the well-known supermarket was just looking for an excuse to hike profits, jack up executive bonuses and screw the shoppers. So, business as usual, really.’

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Supermarkets start pretend price war

Britain’s supermarkets are in a war of words about promotions, price cuts and bargains.

The combatants are huffing and puffing about price competition and market share, largely for the benefit of the Competition and Markets Authority. But the likelihood of any actual price cuts is considered very low.

'The supermarkets are speaking to different audiences,' said retail expert and professional bargain hunter Max Price.  ‘They want to tell the government and the competition authorities that they are not in a cartel – which would be illegal. They want to emphasise that retailing is very competitive and that there is no collusion in price setting.

‘The supermarkets are telling retail customers that prices are on their mind and that they are working hard to keep them low.   Even if they aren’t doing any work to keep them low.   Talk about price wars is cheap, gets free publicity, reassures customers and encourages them to spend, which is just what the grocers want.

‘Let’s take a jar of mixed spices as an example.  Customers have no idea what the right price for a jar of mixed spice is.  They don’t know what is in mixed spice, they don’t know where it comes from, and they don’t know if Trump’s tariffs have affected the price or not.  So the big supermarkets can change the price and the consumer has no idea if it’s fair or not.  The only things keeping the big supermarkets in line are the discount chains Aldi and Lidl.  Both are four-letter words, as far as the big stores are concerned.

So you can take all the hot air about price wars with a pinch of salt. Which will cost you anything from one penny to £2.42.

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Private Equity bosses admit they can’t run supermarkets

Private Equity insiders admit that that running supermarkets in Britain has been way tougher than they expected.  ‘The masters of the universe can usually spin straw into gold,’ said one commentator.  'But their efforts at British supermarket chains Asda and Morrisons makes them look really stupid. It’s embarrassing.’

It should have been easy. Take over a so-so supermarket chain, make a few whizzy changes, watch the valuation soar, and sell out at a massive profit.   Bosh!

But Asda and Morrisons have languished, weighed down by the piles of debt issued by the private equity owners.   The interest on those debts is massive, and means that neither chain can invest in stores, staff or supply chains.   All the masters of the universe can do is to cut costs, sack staff and amp up the marketing campaigns.

The superhero private equity geeks are being beaten hands down by people who actually have some experience in running stores.  One of those geeks sobbed to us privately. ‘It seemed like a really easy gig.  Put in a few months working 24/7 to turn things around, and then walk away with millions in bonuses.   Instead, I’ve been working 24/7 for years, and all I’ve got is a shopping card that gives me ten per cent off.  The stores are dirty, understocked, understaffed and expensive - even I don’t want to shop there.  Why didn’t I choose a deal in financial services, software or health?’

Meanwhile, all those dyed-in-the-wool, nation-of-shopkeepers types are twisting the knife, doing all the things that the private equity owned shops can’t do.  Like selling food at a competitive price in a store that shoppers actually want to visit.

image from pixabay