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Nurses pay rise accidentally went to Nadhim Zahawi




The ex-Chancellor insisted he was not guilty of dodging millions in tax, but said the money had instead come from the public sector wages. An aide commented: 'If you add up the 10% owed to everyone, it just about covers what Mr. Zahawi spends on horse feed.'


Meanwhile the nurses have been given all of Mr.Zahawi's bills in error. Said one confused nurse: 'I was expecting at least 7%, but all I got was an invoice for a gold-plated swimming pool.'


Mr. Zahawi said he would be giving back the money as soon as he could find the missing millions - among the rest of his loose change.



Amazon sheds 18,000 HMRC jobs



Thousands of shocked HMRC staff received P45s from Amazon today and have been told to clear their desks. Presumably onto a neighbouring one. A slightly less bonkers CEO of Amazon said the difficult decision was easily made in an effort to keep costs down.


He told reporters:


'HMRC is no longer fit for purpose. The new Amazon-HMRC will be much smaller and therefore more efficient. We are offering affected staff a comprehensive severance package which amounts to an oversized cardboard box to empty their personal belongings into.


'We have also updated the Amazon-HMRC logo. The arrow underneath which suggested a smile, will be a bit frownier. And that arrow, which also went from the A of Amazon to the Z, will now represent the phrase "From A to Zee, avoiding Tee".'

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