Recap at start of TV crime drama bears no relation to plot at all

The 'Previously..' segment at the start of episode 4 of an ITV crime drama bears frustratingly little connection to what you've watched over the last 3 episodes, and is actually making you question your memory and sanity, it has been confirmed. 

The plot of 'Gone for Good' seems relatively straightforward and you were quite enjoying it - a slow-burning 6 parter, about a seemingly sociopathic doctor who is the prime suspect in the murder of his wife and the guy she was having an affair with.

Featuring a dogged female detective with problems of her own in her personal life, but who develops a begrudging respect for the beleaguered doctor and his wayward son, you have been wondering, like the detective - maybe he isn't guilty after all, despite what the rest of the CID team think, as well as the dryly humorous pathologist, and wacky IT specialist. 

Yet the recaps at the start of each episode are annoyingly missing out a lot of the key details about the story so far, and - hold on, that snippet of conversation they've just replayed was actually said in a different way in episode 3 wasn't it? And the doctor actually said 'you need a long rest, mate' to one of his patients in episode 1, not dubbed over the footage of him standing over his best mate in episode 2 after discovering him lying in a pool of blood with an axe in his head.    

And, haven't they just mixed up the order of things - that restaurant scene with the detective and the slightly odd GP's receptionist that she's known for years was in episode 2, and yet the brick being thrown through the police detective's window that they cut to straight after the restaurant in the recap - that was in the opening episode wasn't it?

And why the hell are they focusing for 30 seconds in this recap on some random guy that was only in episode 2 in the background scene digging a big hole in the woods in the dark of night and looking really pained, can they not just focus on things that are important to know! 

image from Google Gemini

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BBC appoints UK's biggest masochist to be new DG

'We realise that Google executive Matt Brittin has zero experience in the broadcasting sector,' said a spokesman for the BBC Board of Governors, while placing burning matches between the new Director-General's toes, 'but Matt proved that he's a voracious glutton for punishment and that's exactly what the job entails.

'He impressed us right off the bat at the interview when he entered the room with a bed of nails and lay down on it before demonstrating his ability to walk over broken glass with a bright smile on his face.

'This showed that Mr Brittin might just about be capable of handling hours-long appearances before parliamentary select committees, answering questions about broadcasting from MPs who are too dim to be able to tune their car radios.

'And also to take personal responsibility for thousands of hours of radio and TV content which he could not possibly have had any control over.

'We were also impressed by the runner-up candidate, who simultaneously garotted himself at the interview while swallowing strychnine. We had no hesitation in recommending him to the Football Association to be the next England manager.'

Image credit: perchance.org

Met to co-opt clerics to CID

With the Metropolitan Police struggling to win over the hearts and minds of the public, let alone solve slam-dunk cases, they have decided to take a leaf out of regional police force methods and co-opt clerics to assist CID detectives.

'We're aware that some less populated areas have had considerable success by allowing Catholic Priests and C of E Vicars assist in murder enquiries,' said a Met spokesman today.  'Indeed, if my research is correct, the clerics seem to find the important piece of incriminating evidence in most cases, despite zero forensic or investigative training,' he added.

He noted there were no known examples of Imams or Sikh scripture readers assisting the police, then qualified that by adding 'in an investigative role, anyway,' but said the Met were open to considering them. Especially if the BBC were to produce any more hard hitting documentaries like the ones he had seen based in the criminal hotbeds of Kembleford and the inner city rough area called Grantchester.

'You can see how effective the clerics are if you use iPlayer on catch-up, possibly on Dave,' he said. 

Unfortunately the spokesman wasn't available for follow-up interview questions due to disappearing shortly after a meeting in his Chief Superintendents' office.  Two nuns and a recently defrocked priest are helping the Met to get to the bottom of the mystery, and the full investigation is expected to be shown on ITV3 later this year.

Image credit: perchance.org