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'I admit that I outraged the world with my Superbrat behaviour on court, throwing racquets in a temper and calling umpires "the pits",' John McEnroe told White House reporters.


'But look at what Trump's just done. He's deported 261 Venezuelan gang members to El Salvador, blatantly ignoring a court order to turn the plane around and bring them back.


'Man, that's some impressive contempt of court by the President," continued the three-time Wimbledon champion.


'And then he said a single judge in a single city couldn't stop him from getting his way.


'I wish I'd had that much contempt for court orders. Then, I could have gone from tournament to tournament, awarding myself point after point and winning all my matches without throwing a single little hissy fit.'


'McEnroe's a loser,' said a White House spokesman. 'President Trump has won many more Opens than him - and if any news organisation points out that he's lying about that, he'll shut them down for telling fake news, like he did with Voice Of America.'


Photo by Moises Alex on Unsplash


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A spokesperson for anti-immigration, pro-sovereignty politician Nigel Farage has said that his recent whirlwind visit to support Serbian tennis star Novak Djokovic in his battle with Australian immigration was not hypocritical, but consistent with Farage's fundamental belief in the right of very rich people to do whatever they liked, regardless of the law or public health.


When an entitled arsehole is in trouble, Mr Farage will fly to the rescue" said a spokesperson. "First class of course".


Mr Farage has released a video of him meeting Mr Djokovic and his brother. Novak smiles, while his brother is thought to be heard saying in Serbian "So this guy's an immigration lawyer is he? He's got government connections? How da f@ck is he going to help us then?"


Following a sarcastic comment from Andy Murray about the politician being better known for "trying to get Eastern Europeans deported", Farage is thought to have been heard saying he will support Novak if he plays "that Scottish tennis player". Farage was expected to enter the Australian Open himself - the veteran's competition of course - but had to withdraw after recently straining his back jumping on a bandwagon.



First published 11 Jan 2022



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