Trump hopes to win Congress over by plans to have White House ballroom modelled on Xanadu

During what is thought to be a nap brought on by sundowning (dementia fatigue), the US President discarded the notion from a previous dream, where he imagined himself as a deity, and now realises he is the reincarnation of Kubla Khan and intends to have the White House ballroom modelled on Xanadu.

In a post on Truth Social, President Trump promised the ballroom would be opened by none other than Olivia Neutron-Bomb, singing her hit record, with a cast of reality TV dancists, hand-picked and schooled in dancing perfection by himself.

The President went on to say, he is having slot meters that accept Trumpcoins fitted to the Electric Light Orchestra, so guests can hear Xanadu played as many times as they wish.

Unemployed Arkansan surprised to find himself appointed Attorney General

Unemployed Arkansas man Dave Goober was surprised to see on Fox News that he’d been appointed Attorney General of the United States.

”Ah thought they must mean some other guy,” Goober told reporters, “until the motorcade turned up outside mah trailer.”

A White House statement described Goober as “a great guy with strong experience, known for his attention to detail”, though Goober admitted he wasn’t sure why he’d been fired from the chicken shop where he used to work. It also said he had “extensive experience of America’s justice system, albeit mostly from the point of view of a suspect”.

It concluded by describing him as “the perfect replacement for Pam Bondi”, at which Goober grinned and said “Ah liked her, she was hot!” and put his hand down the front of his dungarees,

However, Trump later posted on Truth Social that of course it was a mistake and Goober wasn’t their pick for Attorney General.

”No, he’s the new Chief of Staff of the army.”

image by Grok

Meanwhile, the Nut (errm, I mean) White House ...