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Concern as White House orders a world map, a blindfold and darts from Temu


'It's the geopolitical equivalent of pin the tail on the donkey' bemoaned one US general, over the high pitched sound of Donald Trump's giggling. The General sighed and gave the President a lollipop for not soiling himself


The world map - a flat Earth - was of dubious quality, with many countries known by their MAGA names and New Zealand omitted altogether. 


Russia is known as 'Our Good Friend Putin's Russia'. So is Ukraine, Belarus and everything in between Moscow and Berlin. Canada is called North USA. Mexico is South USA, Spain is Old Mexico, Venezuela is Oil USA. Greenland is green, whilst Epstein Island is redacted. Togo is how the President likes his McDonald's order and the UK is called Airstrip One.


A statement from the New Zealand government said 'He doesn't know we exist. Sssssshh.'


NATO to rebrand as Trump NATO


‘NATO is a self-defence organisation and right now NATO needs to defend itself’, a spokesman told NewsBiscuit.


‘As well as rebranding NATO we will award Donald Trump the NATO Medal for Bravery and give him a 5% skim off the top. All nations will need to increase their budgets a little, but at least we won’t be showing Putin our naked arses’.


A spokesman for the White House said that 5% was ‘an insult’ and that he knew where NATO’s wife and children lived, so if NATO didn’t fancy coming home to an ugly wife with a remodelled face it should up the offer to 20% minimum.

Old time Hollywood big shot: 'Venezuela? I hardly know 'er!'


Hollywood producers are waiting for enough time to elapse to greenlight some future Oscar bait about American troops who get PTSD - that PTSD coming courtesy of the upcoming omnishambles in Venezuela and/or Greenland. 


Working titles so far include 'The Venezuelan Candidate', 'Orinoc-oh-no!' and 'Nuuk whose talking' and the racier 'Is that a Nobel Peace Prize in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me'. Others in development are 'Crackers in Caracas' and its Cuban focused sequel 'Crackers in Caracas 2: Are you Havana laugh?' plus an unexpectedly gritty franchise reboot with 'Grease 3: Greased up by the stolen oil of Venezuela'.


Elon Musk's AI fan bot Grok has already declared these Donald Trump worship pieces as a 'Triumph of the Will'

Trump's own IMDB page already includes The Apprentice, Home Alone 2 and a life long performance art piece entitled 'Entitled', where he plays the role of a fascist paedophile, who faces no consequences for his actions.


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