- Steveb
- 11 hours ago
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The White House had egg on its face today when it was announced that President Trump had bought British frozen food retailer Iceland, having confused it with the country of the same name.
'I guess I should have seen this coming,' said special adviser Hymie Braskowitz. 'He often says ‘Iceland’ when he means ‘Greenland.' I tried to correct him once, but he insisted they’re the same place, and ‘Iceland’ is just a nickname the inhabitants gave it ‘because it’s cold there.
'All the same, I was poleaxed when I came into the office this morning and found him grinning behind his desk, claiming he’d bought it. A few frantic phone calls later, I realised what he’d bought was some British frozen food chain.
'The problem is getting him to accept that. I know if I give him news he doesn’t like, by the end of the day I’ll be just another former Trump staffer with a book to sell. So for the moment at least, I’m just nodding and smiling, and the orange baboon thinks he owns a large island in the North Atlantic. Even if he’s not quite sure which one.'
Meanwhile senior management at the frozen food retailer are waiting anxiously to see what changes their new owner intends to make. Some of them have tentatively suggested producing a line of red baseball caps with the slogan “Make Iceland Bejam Again”.
It was announced today that HBO will release a sequel to award-winning political show The West Wing, focussing on the years of “Grandpa” Joe Biden’s presidency.
Writer Aaron Sorkin’s heavy cocaine use has often been cited as the reason for the fast-talking intellectual brilliance of the original show. It’s thought he’s now taking ketamine to help him reproduce Joe Biden’s speech patterns.
'There was scene in the West Wing where the president accidentally took two different pain meds when he was supposed to take one or the other, and became dazed and incoherent as a result,” explained Sorkin. “So now I just have to write the whole show that way.'
'The Biden Years will contain just as many witty and quotable lines as the original,' an HBO executive reassured reporters today. “'n fact, even though the show hasn’t officially been released, the scene where Biden assembles his staff and tells them ‘We gotta beat Medicare… the number of people, so many people… I just can’t believe… they never even… is it Tuesday today?’ has already become a viral internet sensation.'
It’s not known what new elements they plan to introduce for the second season, though the title of the first episode is said to be “The 25th Amendment”.
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