‘If everyone smells the same, then nobody can point the finger at the President. That’s why I’m willing to soil my underpants at work if it means distracting olfactory attention away from POTUS odour,’ said one White House Official who preferred not to be named. ‘ It doesn’t matter if the Oval office smells like shit if it helps Make America Great Again. A whole bunch of us are doing the same and we regard it as an honour to dispel communist myths that the president is incontinent. Who cares about dry-cleaning bills?’
Another said ‘despite a change to my diet I still find it hard to move my bowels to order, even when being shouted at by Pete Hegseth.’ She continued: 'I do find I can help matters along by powerfully breaking wind, to direct attention away from Mr Trump's trousers, although noise control can be an issue during his speeches. ‘It’s what you might call an ‘I am Fartacus’ moment.’
It’s understood that the Republican bowel movement movement is taking hold outside the White House, with Republicans around Washington with no access to the President joining in the new fashion, though some say the self-sh*tting is the result of falling Republican poll numbers and the prospect of poor showing in Mid Terms.
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