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Denmark to get custody of Greenland at the weekends


In an attempt to calm the world order, the United States has announced that it will let Denmark have full visitation rights at the weekend, as long as it returns Greenland to the US while it is still light.  'No keeping Greenland out after dark,' insisted a US spokesman, noting that Greenland is dark essentially October to March.


'We will exploit Greenland for its mineral wealth Monday to Friday, then return it for Denmark to clean it up at weekends,' the spokesman added.


President Trump has insisted the takeover of a NATO country isn't really about exploiting its natural wealth but by ensuring the US doesn't have Russia on its border.  When it was mentioned that Alaska borders Russia Trump shrugged and suggested Alaska might be next to be taken over.


Everything in the USA to be renamed after Trump


After successfully renaming The Kennedy Center the Trump-Kennedy Center, in a fit of ego, President Trump has decided to name everything in USA after himself.


"He's going to start with things he likes, the Trump-McDonalds-Big-Mac and Trump-Diet-Coke and see how it goes from there," said a Whitehouse Spokesman.


The White House is expected to be renamed "The Trump House" from early January, with Washington DC expected to become "Trumpington DC" by February.


When questioned about this, a Trump aide told us, "The president feels that everything should be named in honour of how great he is and how well he is doing, being the best president ever. Obviously." 


"Not everything will be named in his honour, though. Things he doesn't like will be named after some of his predecessors. For example, illegal immigrants will henceforth be called "Obamas", Stormy Daniels is to be referred to as "Stormy Clinton" and the nasty bits in the bottom of a popcorn bucket, which didn't pop correctly, will now be named "Biden bits".

 

Interestingly, the thing which should be named after him, sexually abusing and defaming journalist E Jean Carroll, will continue to be called "Fake News".


image from google gemini

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