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A study into the various ways of causing excruciating agony on the human body has concluded that giving birth is now less painful than the process of booking hire cars, flights and hotels for a business trip. Researchers discovered that increasingly confusing company policies on travel and expenses, in combination with new, cumbersome, counter-intuitive on-line travel booking tools, has led to what feels like unending torture for the unsuspecting traveller.
Business travel, especially overseas, almost came to a complete halt during the coronavirus pandemic and that provided the perfect opportunity for companies to team up with travel prevention consultants. Together, they have implemented a series of innovative measures designed to thwart those who wish to resume spending hundreds of pounds of company money on travel to ensure the efficient delivery of millions of pounds of company income.
‘We discovered businessmen and women suffering from chronic trauma after two days of battling with the system to book a single overnight stay’, explained Professor Julia Crane who led the research. ‘And we fear that one lady who unreasonably requested a hire car to be delivered to her home the night before a meeting 200 miles away may be emotionally scarred for life’, she continued.
One company remains undaunted by the intense suffering caused by the latest schemes to deter employees from travelling and intends to impose further measures. A spokesman from that company explained, ‘We are in negotiations with an evil troll who lives by a rickety bridge. Employees daring to attempt business travel will be sent to him and unless they answer three of his questions correctly, they will be hurled into a cavernous abyss.’
Image: JoshuaWoroniecki | Pixabay
Updated: Dec 17, 2021
Forced to film in this country because of travel restrictions, 2021 has seen every inch of the UK traversed by Z-listers, walking/cycling/driving on all expense jollies, trampling all before them as they discover the hidden gems/coasts/food of this wonderful country of ours.
At least it would be wonderful if motorists weren’t being buzzed by the now obligatory camera drones, and if the roads weren’t cluttered by celeb and film crew vehicles, plus best-friend/offspring/someone-who-just-happens-to-share-the-same-agent, wittering inanely about how this trip means so-much/rediscovering-the-past/raking-in-some-much-needed-cash.
Any craftsperson/artisan-baker/dying-art-exponent has had their workplace disrupted while they demonstrate their skill to an ungrateful production team who simply want a comedic/poignant/filler few minutes while the has-been tries it for themselves/comedic-effect/2-minutes-maximum.
Expect travel restrictions to the continent maintained next year, not because of Covid but simply to keep out the inevitable influx of British TV nonentities keen to escape a UK that’s been travelogued to death.