TV Drama | NewsBiscuit

Ted Hastings told 'sucking diesel' no longer affordable

Oct 9

Line Of Duty's Superintendent Ted Hastings has been ordered by senior BBC executives to stop his practice of sucking diesel, as fuel prices continue to hit record levels.

The go-to practice of Hastings, thought to involve a long piece of tubing attached to a car's fuel tank and used to demonstrate good progress in a tough AC-12 investigation, is to be outlawed with immediate effect, until oil prices begin to drop again.

'Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the wee donkey, this is a bloody nightmare, fella, let me tell you,' reported a flustered Hastings today. 'I mean what the hell do you expect me to do when things are going well? You'll be telling my granny to suck some eggs instead of diesel, I expect, will you, Sonny Jim?

'Maybe we can suck on some of that lovely water coming up the Lagan in the interim, eh? Well, let's get on with it before I throw that there bloody book at you, followed quickly by the bookcase.'

It is also thought that Hastings will not be permitted to 'cook on gas' either, as wholesale gas prices also continue to rise.

'Unfortunately, we do need to control costs,' said a senior BBC executive. 'Ted's sucking diesel budget in series 6 of Line of Duty alone ran into the millions, and to be honest, it isn't good for his long-term vocal or gastric health.

'Don't worry, we've given him some more economical alternatives, so in series 7 viewers can look forward to Ted Hastings shouting excitedly that he's 'ingesting Hydrotreated Vegetable Oil' and that 'we're chugging on Biogas LNG'.

Image credit: ChatGPT

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Musk gets his London knowledge from watching Slow Horses

Throngsman

Jul 27

Elon Musk believes London is the most dangerous city in the world based on binge watching all available series of Slow Horses.

'People are shot, blown up or beaten to a pulp in every episode,' he told reporters today. 'It's way more scary than Springfield, for example, although I'm concerned about the skin colour,' he said, explaining it wasn't the yellow skin but the brown skin he was referring to.

'Wait until series five airs,' said an Apple TV spokesman. 'The internet is taken over by hackers using Starlink, electric cars are systematically driven into brick walls and rockets explode on the launch pad. Actually the last bit is already true,' he added.

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Recap at start of TV crime drama bears no relation to plot at all

ChrisF

Jul 12

The 'Previously..' segment at the start of episode 4 of an ITV crime drama bears frustratingly little connection to what you've watched over the last 3 episodes, and is actually making you question your memory and sanity, it has been confirmed.

The plot of 'Gone for Good' seems relatively straightforward and you were quite enjoying it - a slow-burning 6 parter, about a seemingly sociopathic doctor who is the prime suspect in the murder of his wife and the guy she was having an affair with.

Featuring a dogged female detective with problems of her own in her personal life, but who develops a begrudging respect for the beleaguered doctor and his wayward son, you have been wondering, like the detective - maybe he isn't guilty after all, despite what the rest of the CID team think, as well as the dryly humorous pathologist, and wacky IT specialist.

Yet the recaps at the start of each episode are annoyingly missing out a lot of the key details about the story so far, and - hold on, that snippet of conversation they've just replayed was actually said in a different way in episode 3 wasn't it? And the doctor actually said 'you need a long rest, mate' to one of his patients in episode 1, not dubbed over the footage of him standing over his best mate in episode 2 after discovering him lying in a pool of blood with an axe in his head.

And, haven't they just mixed up the order of things - that restaurant scene with the detective and the slightly odd GP's receptionist that she's known for years was in episode 2, and yet the brick being thrown through the police detective's window that they cut to straight after the restaurant in the recap - that was in the opening episode wasn't it?

And why the hell are they focusing for 30 seconds in this recap on some random guy that was only in episode 2 in the background scene digging a big hole in the woods in the dark of night and looking really pained, can they not just focus on things that are important to know!

image from Google Gemini

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