‘Bombing schools and shooting children is smart’ claims Trump

Sources close to former US President Donald Trump have said he has described the bombing of schools and shooting of children as ‘smart’ and says US politicians could learn a lesson or two from the Russian strong man ensconced in the Kremlin who gave the green light for butchering women and children in Ukraine.

Mr.Trump is thought to have said Mr. Putin would never allow an election to be rigged or stolen in his country and would have locked up anybody who threatened to stop him from holding free and fair elections.

The former US President is said to have said that is how American elections should be run in the future, once Republicans were back in power.

According to one source, Trump said that ‘Putin is savvy….he has gone into Ukraine to save the Ukrainian people from having a democratically elected government forced upon them. He is there to liberate them. This s why he is bombing apartment blocks and schools, cutting down women and children in the street and destroying cities.

'It is text book tactics and will soon win the hearts and minds of the Ukrainian people.....at least what is left of them. In fact, he would not actually allow an election to be held in the first place which would absolutely guarantee it could not be stolen.

'He’s a smart guy’.

Image: Pixabay/ralfskysegal

Russian Oligarch Considers Buying 'Neighbours'

'Unlike my mate Putin, I'm not in favour of taking over neighbours by force', said the oligarch today. 'For some reason, doing that seems to upset a lot of people. And it can do quite a lot of damage. Why risk damaging something which you wish to acquire? With a little understanding...you can find the perfect place. Da-de-dum'

'Money shouldn't be a problem; all I need to do is sell a few footy clubs, yachts & £multi-squillion central London properties. And it's not as though there is anywhere else I could spend my money at the moment anyway. I quite fancy investing on Oz; it's not as dull and rainy as London, where the weather can be almost as grim as back home in the Democratic People's Paradise.'

'So - wish me luck, Comrade sorry, sorry, Sport. G'day.

Hat-tip stewartbarclay

Image: Pixabay/Tama66

War latest: news in rhyme

There once was a very rich oligarch

Who lived in a mansion on Regent’s Park

But sanctions aren’t funny

He can’t get his money

He’s now got a job in a trolley park

Image: Pixabaydarinmcleod