President Biden has said that an invasion of Cornwall by Wales could happen at 'any moment', and added that the US was ready to respond 'with a very angry email' should an invasion occur.
Cornwall has itself responded angrily to the suggestion, suggesting that the US should 'stay out of our tin mines'. Wales has also denied intending to invade Cornwall, despite a heavy build up of Welsh ramblers on the Cornish border.
Biden insists that a Cornish invasion is still 'very much possible' and that America will step in to secure Europe's pasty supply, sourcing pasties from Devon and Turkey if necessary.
In addition to a possible Welsh invasion of Cornwall, Biden has also warned that Norway could potentially invade Tierra del Fuego, 'literally any second now' and that India might start throwing eggs at Canada, 'just when no one is looking'. He has also advised that the town of Doncaster 'watch your backs, and keep an eye on Cheltenham, because those guys could just walk in, any time'.
image from pixabay
Vladimir Putin is the latest Masked Singer champion. He had been disguised as a Bear, with an AK47 slung over his shoulder and a red headband with 'CCCP' in yellow. Before his unmasking, the panel had been split between one of the unfamous ones from Westlife, Alexei Navalny and Nick Knowles.
As panel members began to die of novichok poisoning, a spokesman for Putin said 'All the clues were there. Having 'chicken tonight' was a reference to having Kiev tonight. 'Criticism is criminal'? Just a little joke - shout out to Navalny, so unlucky with all that jail time. 'Tanks for the memories' and 'Let me invade your hearts' were references to... well you can probably work those out. Even the song choices, 'Crimea river', 'It's all about that Don-bass', 'All you need is Lviv'? Come on, relax, at least it wasn't Nick Knowles.'
image from pixabay