AI president to be switched off

An AI generated president called Joe Biden will be switched off for good in January 2025. The software company that created the loveable and almost human president said that maintenance was becoming increasingly difficult and that parts were hard to get hold of.

A spokesman said, ‘Joe 2020, as we call him, has had a good run. He was very reliable until towards the end, when he did become a bit erratic.  He did stumble occasionally due to problems with his gravity sensors, and he made some dodgy jokes due to problems with his levity sensors.

‘We feel that we have taken the development of Joe 2020 as far as we could.  Parts of him are still based on Windows 93 and there is obviously a risk that he could be hacked.  He is also taking an increasingly long time to get going in the mornings when we switch him on. 

'Going forward we will be working with IBM on a new AI president, provisionally called Deep Orange.’

Picture credit: Wix AI / deskpilot

Dressing Trump as a schoolboy would give shooters a chance

Stung by criticisms of the inaccuracy of American marksmanship, the Secret Service has unveiled plans to dress Donald Trump as a schoolboy and leave him in a high school for a few days.

‘He wasn’t keen until we told him that there were girls at the school, and then he was all over the idea’, a spokesman said. ‘Shooters just seem more numerous inside schools and generally more accurate. We figure if we leak the name of the school, then we might all get lucky. Christ, we’ve been letting him walk slowly on golf courses surrounded by woodland – even that didn’t work.’

Picture credit: Wix AI

Trump sues Kamala Harris for being younger than him

Donald Trump's campaign has filed a complaint with the Federal Election Commission against Kamala Harris accusing her of being provocatively younger, blacker and with a better memory than the candidate he was expecting to battle.

'This is a thinly vailed attempt to make me look old, white and, what's that word?', said the complaint. 'What's more, she's never been pregnant. I've been pregnant so many times - everyone says so.'

Trump supporters have got behind the former president and pointed out that he is still taller than Ms Harris, although Ms Harris responded that Mr Trump was taller than her when he was lying down.

Picture credit: Wix AI