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Iran asks Boris Johnson to intervene


With the Iranian regime at an inflection point, the Ayatollah has reached out to former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson for help.


'We are concerned that the insurgency will succeed, so we need to destabilise it before it is too late,' said a spokesman for the regime.  'The last time Boris intervened he resulted in the arrest of a British subject who was on the cusp of being allowed home.  That's the kind of incompetence we require.  We are begging Mr Johnson to interfere with the insurgents, advise them what to say and do and hopefully this will be over in a couple of days with thousands of insurgents safely in jail, just how we like it,' he added.


A spokesman for Mr Johnson said the request was an abomination and a terrible idea.  'Did they mention how much?' he asked.

Election for Village Idiot too close to call sensibly

As the race to become the next Village Idiot of Upper Stoke Amberley enters its final week seasoned Idiot watchers are saying this could be the closest contest yet, with both candidates delivering a series of brilliantly asinine speeches and presenting their supporters with muppetry of the highest order.


At the beginning of this two ass race it seemed foolhardy to bet against Don Toupee, a simpleton whose manifesto promise was to drive out non-native, invasive plant life from the village. The confidence in his success was due in part to his then opponent, the current Idiot, J B Dribbling, having his idiocy seriously questioned over time. The tipping point was a debate where he made a serious of rambling statements, some of which bordered on the sensible, and that disqualified him from the contest.


His replacement was the Deputy Idiot, Kamalana Ding-Dong, a lady chucklehead intent on proving women can reach levels of foolery to rival any man. Her claims of growing edible words at the bottom of her garden gave her an instant poll boost, and the bookmakers slashed her odds. Her inane public prattling since seems to have backed up that confidence in her chances.


Whichever loon the good people of Upper Stoke Amberley vote into the Odd Shaped Office, the contest gives the residents a good chuckle or three. As one villager put it, “Been a good one this time round. Two absolute numpties. Haven’t laughed so much in ages. It’s a shame our political elections aren’t like this.”




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