Iran asks Boris Johnson to intervene

With the Iranian regime at an inflection point, the Ayatollah has reached out to former British Prime Minister Boris Johnson for help.

'We are concerned that the insurgency will succeed, so we need to destabilise it before it is too late,' said a spokesman for the regime.  'The last time Boris intervened he resulted in the arrest of a British subject who was on the cusp of being allowed home.  That's the kind of incompetence we require.  We are begging Mr Johnson to interfere with the insurgents, advise them what to say and do and hopefully this will be over in a couple of days with thousands of insurgents safely in jail, just how we like it,' he added.

A spokesman for Mr Johnson said the request was an abomination and a terrible idea.  'Did they mention how much?' he asked.